Hello... and questions? （´∇｀''）

Good afternoon from America, RemediosLaBella!

1. Shift the focus from figuring out when to speak to when to listen. If you listen intently - even when you aren’t interested - it is a bit easier to pick up when the other speaker is expecting you to respond. Not 100% a solution to the problem, but it does help a bit to change that perspective.

2. As a job coach, I’ve noticed that us with invisible disabilities are vulnerable to oversharing during job interviews in particular. We get nervous, so we fill any silence with unnecessary garble that could easily cost us the job. This can best be avoided by giving yourself a quick couple of seconds to imagine what you will say before you say it. Then you are more often not going to speak out of turn or say something embarrassing, rather than trying to “improvise” everything you say.

3. Yes, that is common with Autism. My approach to that lately has been reframing it from being obsessively embarrassed over what I said or misunderstood to what can I learn from that conversation. Take embarrassing conversations and figure out how you can avoid those situations moving forward.

4. Oh I feel more exhaustion than physical pain after social exchanges, but that doesn’t sound extraordinary for Autism. The worst is when I pick up cues that the other person may be deceptive about something, since I have a panic reaction to liars. The good news is, I’m much more aware of when people are messing with me than when I was a child due to that trauma response. I think of it as being like touching a lit stove burner: It hurts because your body is warning you of the potential danger of getting burned.

5. Very common issue, I imagine. For me, I am very careful about who I info-dump on. I ensure that I have established a sense of trust with a person before I allow myself the impulse to get louder and excited during a conversation. That means that generally the only people that see that side of me already know I’m Autistic. Similarly, I would get very animated while discussing topics that interested me when I was a professor. Strangely, a university classroom’s lectern is a very acceptable venue for that behavior.

6. I’ve been there too. It used to be a big issue more when I was a kid, but I get remarks from extended family for shutting down at family events as well. My best advice is once again to focus more on listening so that you can at least engage in conversation with little bits such as “Right,” “Yeah,” and “Of course” to show interest in what is going on. That allows you to minimize your involvement, but also keep you from appearing as though you are uninterested or shut down.

7. I feel like there are a few questions in this one lol. First off, if people are put off by your emoting, then it may just be you are engaging with the wrong crowd. That might not be your “people.” If it is more of a universal issue with everyone, then you may need to work on masking, as much as I hate suggesting that. At least put on the performance that you are not as emotive when you are not around your safe people. In regards to people giving short responses, that might not be necessarily indicative that they are overwhelmed. I mean, I guess it could, but it also could just be their way of communicating.

I’ve got a funny story relating to your “wishing well” issue. When I was a professor at a Christian university (I’m agnostic atheist), there was an outcry that another professor wrote a story where characters wished instead of prayed. He got fired over that and a few other minor issues, which was wild. I was so upset by that, I began signing off every email with “best wishes” in retaliation, while coworkers usually used “Godspeed” or “God bless”. Hilariously, I still do it even though I actually mean it now. All that to say, don’t worry about others nitpicking the sincerity behind your wishing well. Even if that is just something you say with or without meaning, it’s a part of your social identity and they have no right to disparage that.

8. Burning out at work is an immense issue in this community, and you can find innumerable threads on that here on the forum. I recommend doing a quick search of the threads on the homepage and you’ll be amazed how many we have made even in just the last year regarding work experiences.

Best wishes!

Good afternoon from America, RemediosLaBella!

1. Shift the focus from figuring out when to speak to when to listen. If you listen intently - even when you aren’t interested - it is a bit easier to pick up when the other speaker is expecting you to respond. Not 100% a solution to the problem, but it does help a bit to change that perspective.

2. As a job coach, I’ve noticed that us with invisible disabilities are vulnerable to oversharing during job interviews in particular. We get nervous, so we fill any silence with unnecessary garble that could easily cost us the job. This can best be avoided by giving yourself a quick couple of seconds to imagine what you will say before you say it. Then you are more often not going to speak out of turn or say something embarrassing, rather than trying to “improvise” everything you say.

3. Yes, that is common with Autism. My approach to that lately has been reframing it from being obsessively embarrassed over what I said or misunderstood to what can I learn from that conversation. Take embarrassing conversations and figure out how you can avoid those situations moving forward.

4. Oh I feel more exhaustion than physical pain after social exchanges, but that doesn’t sound extraordinary for Autism. The worst is when I pick up cues that the other person may be deceptive about something, since I have a panic reaction to liars. The good news is, I’m much more aware of when people are messing with me than when I was a child due to that trauma response. I think of it as being like touching a lit stove burner: It hurts because your body is warning you of the potential danger of getting burned.

5. Very common issue, I imagine. For me, I am very careful about who I info-dump on. I ensure that I have established a sense of trust with a person before I allow myself the impulse to get louder and excited during a conversation. That means that generally the only people that see that side of me already know I’m Autistic. Similarly, I would get very animated while discussing topics that interested me when I was a professor. Strangely, a university classroom’s lectern is a very acceptable venue for that behavior.

6. I’ve been there too. It used to be a big issue more when I was a kid, but I get remarks from extended family for shutting down at family events as well. My best advice is once again to focus more on listening so that you can at least engage in conversation with little bits such as “Right,” “Yeah,” and “Of course” to show interest in what is going on. That allows you to minimize your involvement, but also keep you from appearing as though you are uninterested or shut down.

7. I feel like there are a few questions in this one lol. First off, if people are put off by your emoting, then it may just be you are engaging with the wrong crowd. That might not be your “people.” If it is more of a universal issue with everyone, then you may need to work on masking, as much as I hate suggesting that. At least put on the performance that you are not as emotive when you are not around your safe people. In regards to people giving short responses, that might not be necessarily indicative that they are overwhelmed. I mean, I guess it could, but it also could just be their way of communicating.

I’ve got a funny story relating to your “wishing well” issue. When I was a professor at a Christian university (I’m agnostic atheist), there was an outcry that another professor wrote a story where characters wished instead of prayed. He got fired over that and a few other minor issues, which was wild. I was so upset by that, I began signing off every email with “best wishes” in retaliation, while coworkers usually used “Godspeed” or “God bless”. Hilariously, I still do it even though I actually mean it now. All that to say, don’t worry about others nitpicking the sincerity behind your wishing well. Even if that is just something you say with or without meaning, it’s a part of your social identity and they have no right to disparage that.

8. Burning out at work is an immense issue in this community, and you can find innumerable threads on that here on the forum. I recommend doing a quick search of the threads on the homepage and you’ll be amazed how many we have made even in just the last year regarding work experiences.

Best wishes!

Hello profdanger!!

1. and 6. 

profdanger said:

1. Shift the focus from figuring out when to speak to when to listen. If you listen intently - even when you aren’t interested - it is a bit easier to pick up when the other speaker is expecting you to respond. Not 100% a solution to the problem, but it does help a bit to change that perspective.

profdanger said:

6. I’ve been there too. It used to be a big issue more when I was a kid, but I get remarks from extended family for shutting down at family events as well. My best advice is once again to focus more on listening so that you can at least engage in conversation with little bits such as “Right,” “Yeah,” and “Of course” to show interest in what is going on. That allows you to minimize your involvement, but also keep you from appearing as though you are uninterested or shut down.

I think if I listen too much... well I never speak hahaha!! (ᵕˆヮˆ)
Maybe that's a good thing but it often leaves me feeling regret (later on) for not trying to be brave ;-; *shrug*

2. 

profdanger said:

2. As a job coach, I’ve noticed that us with invisible disabilities are vulnerable to oversharing during job interviews in particular. We get nervous, so we fill any silence with unnecessary garble that could easily cost us the job. This can best be avoided by giving yourself a quick couple of seconds to imagine what you will say before you say it. Then you are more often not going to speak out of turn or say something embarrassing, rather than trying to “improvise” everything you say.

Yes I fill the silences... and well that makes the room quiet pretty quickly which makes me not talk to people for a while. 
(╥ ᴗ ╥)

How do you remember to take a few seconds?! I feel like I swing between garble or mutism. Whyyyyy?! /\

3. 5. and 7. 

profdanger said:

3. Yes, that is common with Autism. My approach to that lately has been reframing it from being obsessively embarrassed over what I said or misunderstood to what can I learn from that conversation. Take embarrassing conversations and figure out how you can avoid those situations moving forward.

profdanger said:

5. Very common issue, I imagine. For me, I am very careful about who I info-dump on. I ensure that I have established a sense of trust with a person before I allow myself the impulse to get louder and excited during a conversation. That means that generally the only people that see that side of me already know I’m Autistic. Similarly, I would get very animated while discussing topics that interested me when I was a professor. Strangely, a university classroom’s lectern is a very acceptable venue for that behavior.

profdanger said:

7. I feel like there are a few questions in this one lol. First off, if people are put off by your emoting, then it may just be you are engaging with the wrong crowd. That might not be your “people.” If it is more of a universal issue with everyone, then you may need to work on masking, as much as I hate suggesting that. At least put on the performance that you are not as emotive when you are not around your safe people. In regards to people giving short responses, that might not be necessarily indicative that they are overwhelmed. I mean, I guess it could, but it also could just be their way of communicating.

That's what's made me avoid... everyone. Heh... heh... Σ(°△° ꪱꪱꪱ)
But I think you and Lotus are on to something... maybe I need to find "safe" people or the right "crowd", so I don't need to ever feel embarrassed around?! But where are they hiding?! Probably hiding from other people just like me irl... lol
Still, thank you for reminding me of this: it's ok to not be liked. I really gotta learn this life lesson. 

4. 

profdanger said:

4. Oh I feel more exhaustion than physical pain after social exchanges, but that doesn’t sound extraordinary for Autism. The worst is when I pick up cues that the other person may be deceptive about something, since I have a panic reaction to liars. The good news is, I’m much more aware of when people are messing with me than when I was a child due to that trauma response. I think of it as being like touching a lit stove burner: It hurts because your body is warning you of the potential danger of getting burned.

Maybe that's what it is!! I still haven't figured out why but yes it hurts like danger! Huh. Didn't think of it that way. 
I'll try to remember this. 

7. 

profdanger said:

I’ve got a funny story relating to your “wishing well” issue. When I was a professor at a Christian university (I’m agnostic atheist), there was an outcry that another professor wrote a story where characters wished instead of prayed. He got fired over that and a few other minor issues, which was wild. I was so upset by that, I began signing off every email with “best wishes” in retaliation, while coworkers usually used “Godspeed” or “God bless”. Hilariously, I still do it even though I actually mean it now. All that to say, don’t worry about others nitpicking the sincerity behind your wishing well. Even if that is just something you say with or without meaning, it’s a part of your social identity and they have no right to disparage that.

Lol that's awesome haha I think I will now think of this story any time I see "best wishes" xD !!!

8. 

profdanger said:

8. Burning out at work is an immense issue in this community, and you can find innumerable threads on that here on the forum. I recommend doing a quick search of the threads on the homepage and you’ll be amazed how many we have made even in just the last year regarding work experiences.

Thank you! I might look into it but also don't want to get overwhelmed or re-triggered. We'll see.

LOL the BeSt WiShEs has me deceased hahahahaha 

Best wishes to you, too haha! Really needed this laugh lol