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I don't know what to do with my therapist

SabF

My therapist is AuDHD, and I understand that sometimes she forgot things. 

 She was supposed to give me the PDF with my test results and diagnosis by the end of July, yet I’m still waiting. We had arranged to move a session up to September 11th—that was the last time she replied to me, and the session never happened. This Monday we had to have an online session and she didn't show up and didn't answered my texts.I don’t know what to do; I truly understand that she might be overwhelmed or going through a difficult time, but I see her posting Instagram stories and I feel sad, anxious, and desperate.

Has anyone else been through a situation like this? I need some advice on what to do; I even thought about drafting an email—thinking that maybe WhatsApp messages might be causing her anxiety—to ask if she’s okay and tell her that if she needs time, that’s fine, but she should let me know so I can adjust my expectations.

Thank you 

  • in reply to SabF

    I did feel a bit more prepared after reading it, it's by Steph Jones. I hope you get your written report soon either way! 

  • in reply to SabF
    SabF said:
    I follow her on Instagram because she posts content related to the diagnosis and professional matters

    Ah! That makes more sense than what I was interpreting!

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thanks for your reply. You're right, but I don't know if I'm ready to start looking for another therapist; I'll keep it in mind. Meeting a new professional really drains a lot of my energy; it makes me feel exposed, and I become dysregulated in every session. For the moment, I think that would be even more exhausting than where I am right now.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks for your reply; it really helped me see things from a different perspective. It’s true that it crosses professional boundaries—I hadn't stopped to consider that, or the fact that someone I’m paying to find relief or solve my problems is actually creating an additional problem for me.
    I will search that book, sounds interesting 
    I’ve been seeing her for almost two years. I contacted her to get a diagnosis—which I received during an online session—but she didn't provide the PDF summary containing my test results. We then continued with therapy sessions. 

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thanks for your reply; it helps a lot to read everyone's opinions, since I've been overthinking the whole thing. I follow her on Instagram because she posts content related to the diagnosis and professional matters.

  • You should not be in a position of having to worry about the state of mind of your therapist, if she's part of an organisation then I suggest you contact them and ask for someone else, if she's independent then seek another therapist.

  • Hi SabF, I hope you are doing okay.

    This sounds like a very difficult situation, as even with taking AuDHD into account, it's still crossing professional boundaries, especially with leaving you waiting for your test results and diagnosis -that really isn't fair -at the very least she should have contacted you to tell you why it's not happened yet. 

    In a way, I would actually try keep it professional, and though as a friend you would see if they were okay and be gentle, you shouldn’t have to do this for your therapist? I was wondering, maybe get the opinion of other ADHD folk, but maybe do send an email (more professional), saying you want to know your results by the end of October (if you can wait that long), as something like a deadline might actually be helpful for her? (A point to focus on that isn't too soon). You could be honest and say how you are feeling about the delay in finding out.

    Also I haven't much experience of therapy, as I quit after 4 sessions, but I did read "the autistic survival guide to therapy", and one situation the author said to avoid was role-reversal, as if you are having to coach for their feelings, but you are the paying client, it's not really a good situation. Also the fact that it's giving you extra anxiety just trying to deal with her is also a bit of a warning. 

    Have you been with her long, is it possible to start thinking of moving to someone else who won't give you added anxiety? (As you shouldn't need extra therapy due to the therapist).

    Take care, I hope it is resolved one way or another soon for you, and good luck.

  • Ooo I’ve never been in this particular position, since while I have had therapists specializing in Autism, I’ve never had a therapist who is diagnosed as AuDHD. Also, I have never had a close enough relationship with a therapist that we are connected on social media. I personally feel like that is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed - since therapists are supposed to have strictly professional relations with clients - but that’s just my personal opinion.

    However, I can still drop my two-cents here, in case it matters regardless:

    SabF said:
    to ask if she’s okay and tell her that if she needs time, that’s fine, but she should let me know so I can adjust my expectations.

    That sounds extremely reasonable to me. The benefit of that plan is showing that you care and are concerned (which is true), and that shouldn’t amplify her anxiety like just asking for clarification on when the next meeting is.