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Anxiety after socialising

Marjorie195

I am quite outgoing and like to spend time with people of all types.

After a lifetime of saying the wrong things to people and losing friends, by upsetting them, I now find that I re-live every contact I have with other people. I offend people usually without realising it, only to have a chilling realisation several hours later that what I said was tactless or ambiguous etc. I enjoy a night out, then think over everything I have said and how people responded, to see if I have caused offence in any way. Every frown or whisper by/to someone else, may indicate that I have upset them in some way.

I have tried telling myself that most other people are not that judgemental and I mallign them if I think they are. Even that they would be upset that I thought them so petty. I am way too sensative to negative atmospheres and critisism.

How do I put a stop to this endless reliving of conversations, especially at night? I hate upsetting people I care about, so the more I like them, the longer I relive each potential gaffe. I like to socialise, but after, I am tense, preoccupied and stressed by reliving the event, to the point of exhaustion.

I tentatively talked to some friends once about this. They instantly said I had not caused any offence, but I could see they were fibbing. This probably proves they care, which in a way makes it all the more important not to be tactless. Aaaaaaagh it's a vicious circle I need to break.

Parents

  • As to stopping the anxiety there are two recourses: as suggested above, convincing yourself it doesn't matter, and using a "stop" word or action.

    Most social situations don't matter. If someone does take issue after a social event, in my experience it is usually someone with delusions of grandeur. For that reason it is best to avoid trying to socialise with cliquey or pretentious individuals, though I appreciate that is hard to do. It may be more of a problem in the work place, where there is a clear hierachy and someone might suggest you undermined or questioned their authority.

    OK so there are too many situations where playing down the social encounter doesn't resolve your anxiety. So the other option is to use "stop" signals. You can use pain, though people will wonder what you are up to. Flick your ear lobe, or use a broad rubber band on your wrist and pull and release it sharply against the inside. It stops the process for a few seconds and breaks the train of thought.

    You can, with practice, develop "stop" words or phrases in your head (or you might want to say them aloud in private). I use "I'm sick of this" or "I've had enough of this". It has become almost automatic when I start worrying now. 

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  • As to stopping the anxiety there are two recourses: as suggested above, convincing yourself it doesn't matter, and using a "stop" word or action.

    Most social situations don't matter. If someone does take issue after a social event, in my experience it is usually someone with delusions of grandeur. For that reason it is best to avoid trying to socialise with cliquey or pretentious individuals, though I appreciate that is hard to do. It may be more of a problem in the work place, where there is a clear hierachy and someone might suggest you undermined or questioned their authority.

    OK so there are too many situations where playing down the social encounter doesn't resolve your anxiety. So the other option is to use "stop" signals. You can use pain, though people will wonder what you are up to. Flick your ear lobe, or use a broad rubber band on your wrist and pull and release it sharply against the inside. It stops the process for a few seconds and breaks the train of thought.

    You can, with practice, develop "stop" words or phrases in your head (or you might want to say them aloud in private). I use "I'm sick of this" or "I've had enough of this". It has become almost automatic when I start worrying now. 

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