• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 5083 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Anxiety after socialising

Marjorie195

I am quite outgoing and like to spend time with people of all types.

After a lifetime of saying the wrong things to people and losing friends, by upsetting them, I now find that I re-live every contact I have with other people. I offend people usually without realising it, only to have a chilling realisation several hours later that what I said was tactless or ambiguous etc. I enjoy a night out, then think over everything I have said and how people responded, to see if I have caused offence in any way. Every frown or whisper by/to someone else, may indicate that I have upset them in some way.

I have tried telling myself that most other people are not that judgemental and I mallign them if I think they are. Even that they would be upset that I thought them so petty. I am way too sensative to negative atmospheres and critisism.

How do I put a stop to this endless reliving of conversations, especially at night? I hate upsetting people I care about, so the more I like them, the longer I relive each potential gaffe. I like to socialise, but after, I am tense, preoccupied and stressed by reliving the event, to the point of exhaustion.

I tentatively talked to some friends once about this. They instantly said I had not caused any offence, but I could see they were fibbing. This probably proves they care, which in a way makes it all the more important not to be tactless. Aaaaaaagh it's a vicious circle I need to break.

Parents

  • People on the autistic spectrum don't get much feedback in social interchange. Because of that it seems to follow that, to understand our perception of what happened, we have to engage in one-sided analysis.

    You don't know the other persons' reactions so you feel the need to explore all the possible permutations. I think that need helps predispose people on the spectrum to spiralling anxiety and negative reinforcement (but that's just a personal theory).

    People not affected by autism don't seem to hold on to memories of what happened during social interchange (unless perhaps something really puzzled or offended them). Most social interchange involves feedback which, by people's reactions, informs any offender of annoyance or inappropriateness. On the whole NTs forget most conversations, unless there were important facts/gossip/opinions to pass on to others. The actual etiquette doesn't seem to be stored.

    Because we have little feedback it is hard to tell whether something we might have said was serious or trivial. If you have said something bad you would probably have sensed hostility at the time.

    However I spend a lot of time analysing misunderstood conversations. I seem to miss offers of a drink, for example, and then feel awkward if I'm left out. I don't seem to register what is probably not clearly elucidated.

Reply

  • People on the autistic spectrum don't get much feedback in social interchange. Because of that it seems to follow that, to understand our perception of what happened, we have to engage in one-sided analysis.

    You don't know the other persons' reactions so you feel the need to explore all the possible permutations. I think that need helps predispose people on the spectrum to spiralling anxiety and negative reinforcement (but that's just a personal theory).

    People not affected by autism don't seem to hold on to memories of what happened during social interchange (unless perhaps something really puzzled or offended them). Most social interchange involves feedback which, by people's reactions, informs any offender of annoyance or inappropriateness. On the whole NTs forget most conversations, unless there were important facts/gossip/opinions to pass on to others. The actual etiquette doesn't seem to be stored.

    Because we have little feedback it is hard to tell whether something we might have said was serious or trivial. If you have said something bad you would probably have sensed hostility at the time.

    However I spend a lot of time analysing misunderstood conversations. I seem to miss offers of a drink, for example, and then feel awkward if I'm left out. I don't seem to register what is probably not clearly elucidated.

Children
No Data