Boarding Schools

Alexa said:

Being autistic probably makes things worse,  as it's more difficult to become one of the crowd rather than a target.

I agree.

B said:

Actually, I don't think I've ever read a member of this forum say that they had a happy childhood.

To be honest, I don't think happy childhoods are common. Being autistic probably makes things worse,  as it's more difficult to become one of the crowd rather than a target.

Alexa said:

My mother was probably a narcissist or had something else. Whatever it was, she, also, made my life hell, so I sympathise with your difficulties. 

Ditto.

Actually, I don't think I've ever read a member of this forum say that they had a happy childhood.

I don't know if that's significant or whether it's simply not come up for someone to talk about.

Ah, I don't mind that one. I'll bet you didn't have to listen to it twenty times a day, though.  Still, I only had that for 2 terms and I'll guess you attended your school much longer. 

My secondary school used 'Jerusalem' and, another hymn of the day - 'To Be A Pilgrim'. 

That sounds awful - the last place to be.

Any of us who were bullied at school know its effects. I'm sorry you had a bad deal at school and a difficlt home life. My mother was probably a narcissist or had something else. Whatever it was, she, also, made my life hell, so I sympathise with your difficulties. 

The tune I'll always associate with school is "Jerusalem" by William Blake. I have the words of that song seared into my brain now, and turn the radio off if it ever starts playing.

Alexa said:

The local education authority in London had a boarding school on Hayling Island, off Southampton, which it used for children with asthma. They sent me there, to autistic hell.

I live near there and didn't know that history. 

I am so sorry you suffered there.

My mother was sent to a school for 'delicate' children and was routinely locked in cupboards.

B said:

That's a middle class+ dilemma. 

It wasn't solely that in my childhood. The local education authority in London had a boarding school on Hayling Island, off Southampton, which it used for children with asthma. They sent me there, to autistic hell.

From talking with and listening to other pupils I was with at the time, I think there's definitely some aspect of paying for someone else to raise a child. But for other parents it may have been the best option they had, or that they thought would help their child get ahead in life.

I was sent to one, back in the late 50s. I couldn't escape from the bright lights, people, noises and bullying. I must have been frantic as my parents (who never engaged with authority) must have asked the education authority to remove me. The childhood section of my autism assessment brought it all back, in unwanted detail. I'll never get the tune 'chopsticks' out of my head as it was played constantly on the piano at weekends by various people.

SpiffyVoxel said:

Giving you a big hug, B.

Thank you. 

SpiffyVoxel said:

I got bullied a fair bit at boarding school

A hug in return. 

Unfortunately bullies are everywhere in society. 

Giving you a big hug, B.

My sister, unlike me, went to state school, and while she enjoyed her time there, the education she got from there was sub-par. Thankfully, she subsequently managed to train herself up through a series of jobs, and then went to college in the 2000s to get a teaching degree, but she acknowledges that she's still weak in a few areas because of how bad a job the teachers did in her teens.

I got bullied a fair bit at boarding school, in part because of my autistic behaviours but also because I was both a 'bursary' pupil and a non-athletic one (the school had a big sports focus, which I hated as it was compulsory until 6th Form.) So not much of a safe haven in that regard.

Orangegnome said:

I’m sorry to read that B. 

Thank you. 

‘Money doesn’t make you happy, but it helps’, comes to mind, and is true in your case.

ArchaeC said:

Boarding schools may be a middle class dilemma, an unhappy or violent home situation isn’t necessarily class related.

Thank you. 

I agree but having the money for decent food and clothes and an escape route might have been good. 

Wearing hand me downs was one of the reasons for the bullying as there was no school uniform. 

As someone who went to a boarding school, albeit a very progressive one, I have thoughts on this.

To be fair to my parents, it was the best option available at the time, and from what they told me of the other places they visited I'm glad!

It was a wrench for all of us, but the support I got there definitely helped me academically.

I'll add that I got into that place thanks to my then-headmaster using his connections, plus support from our local council with the fees. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been an option at all.

I totally get how the concept of shipping your children off to boarding school seems like a terrible thing for parents to do. But the flip side of that is that, like in my case, maybe it's the best of a lot of not-good options closer to home. Ideally, the public education system everywhere would be funded and supported to help every child, and parents would have the support they needed to help with that. Alas, we live instead in a world where education and child support are both seen as burdens, and boarding schools are a work-around for those parents who can afford it.

Sorry B.

Boarding schools may be a middle class dilemma, an unhappy or violent home situation isn’t necessarily class related.

I’m sorry to read that B. 

Makes you wonder how much abuse happens in boarding schools.

Don’t you think it’s just a way of avoiding responsibility for raising a child when you have the means to let someone else do it?