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Does anyone else live with a hoarder?

Roy

As some of you know I live with my mother when I’m working away from home, I normally work for a month and then go home for two weeks.

My mothers house is becoming a worry, it’s quite a large property but the hoarding is causing me anxiety. I try to go upstairs but every step has junk on it, I’m also worried someone’s going to trip on the stairs. 
Spare bedrooms are full, every worktop and cupboard is full.

unworn new clothes hang everywhere, there must be 100 pairs of new shoes, garages and sheds are full of just things. Two chrome barstools were stacked in a shed last week because they were free at a fete.

I try to keep my annex quite minimalist but stuff is creeping in, a rocking chair was ordered last week,I’ve got to have the old unused armchair in my room, the previous two unused chairs are in other rooms with stuff on them.

We now have mice, I’ve caught 8 in the last week, I get little sleep as I find small rodents very overwhelming.

All my mother says is that when she’s gone I can get rid of it all, that on its own is overwhelming. 
I think my mother is autistic, is this hoarding a trait? 
sorry I’m really tired, more venting than anything.

  • I believe my father was autistic and he became a hoarder after my Mum died. He was careful what he bought, but it was paperwork he kept in case it was ever needed magazines and leaflets. I was able to get rid of leaflets, but there was still a lot. Your Mum's situation sounds worse however and I can understand the difficulty of having so much clutter. I need some order to relax. I hope you are able to at least assist with the sorting next week, especially on the stairs. 

  • in reply to Marianne72

    Thanks for the link, some of it definitely applies. the problem is that outsiders aren’t allowed in.

    There is a large wardrobe in my room full of what she calls good linen. Most of it is older than me, I’ve explained that we don’t live in Upstairs & Downstairs, we don’t need it, nobody uses it anymore. No it’s too good to get rid of.

    I’m getting frustrated as I know winter is approaching, my mother will stay in bed most of the day, not with depression but so the heating isn’t used, She can easily afford it but refuses to give money to the “fat cats’ at the utility companies. I sit in my rooms with a calor gas heater. She will then say she wants to move, I then agree but she wouldn’t let people inside to view the property, I try to go through stuff but I’m not allowed to throw even broken things away.

    She has been “sectioned “ quite a few times through my childhood and adult life, I try to be understanding but within 10 minutes I’m getting annoyed.  She has always known how to control people.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you,  outsiders aren’t really allowed in the house, i have got a brother but he lives in “La La land “ and just thinks it’s funny. 

    You are right, it’s like they are there even when they aren’t.
    I would need large roll off skips to even make a difference but then there’s always guilt, that is often used against me. I come home in the evenings and watch The Professionals and Minder in total silence, I’ve never understood people who can talk whilst a program or film on,  she will sit down and start on about how useless the Prime Minister is, boat people and how Farage is the saviour of her generation. I just snap back that she’s hated the last 16 or so Prime Ministers.

    I do blame shopping channels, it’s so easy to order tat, some of it is marketed as comforting. I was supposed to work today but I’m too tired, when tired my brain just ‘races’ I end up pacing and stimming.. I know if a can’t regulate myself then burnout or shutdown is waiting to attack. She’s off abroad next week with a relative, I will get a whole week of solitude, I might even get a few boxes down to the dump, that always makes me feel better.

  • A social worker once said I was a hoarder which given the situation ground my gears because I had boxes of stuff ready to go the tip(originally charity but this was 2020 and lock down wasnt ending any time soon) and ehrn thr time came to take it I had no issues doing it and I even had the happy suprise of seeing some of it end up in charity shops(has my dad's old address on is his I knew) it was all stuff I used to collect but I wabted more too. Space so i was massocly gwrtitnf rid of furniture os und n as ruthless as to what I got. Rid of

    Yes it was all over the show at the time but I still had clear pathways ect and it was gone in a week after that too 

    But to make out someone who's in the middle of clearing out is a hoarder surely takes the focus away from actusl hoarder who need help 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    theres definately a mental health element to it.

    See my reply to Roy. You might be able to get help via your local Council. I'm sorry you have this burden to add to your daily difficulties. Bouquet [virtual flowers for you to offer empathy].

  • Hi Roy

    Hoarding disorder is now an official mental illness. If you go to the afore-mentioned webpage they tell you how to get help, via your GP. You can report the vermin infestation to your local council.

    Fingers crossed, your mum can get help. It must be very hard for you as well.  Keep posting on here and reading other threads for social support. Best wishes and good luckCandle.

  • You vent away Roy, I have a similar but lesser problem with a friends stuff, he used to live with us and now has to be in a different place because of post surgical needs and increasing dementia. He's got stuff everywhere, I'm totally overwhelmed by it all, he's not here and yet he is, I don't know how much I can get rid of and how much I can't. If I could set light to his room and not damage the rest of the house I would.

    I think stuff is a security blanket for some, I'm not sure that its an autistic thing, but theres definately a mental health element to it.

    Would it be worth reaching out to social services? I know they do respond to hoarders and the fact that you've got mice, would be another signal to them that intervention's needed.