"Dear Harriet" - agony aunt for ND problems (for fun!)

Dear Harriet 

Having problems with people accepting me, what I want to do now.

Since June 2022 I've been going to A social group.

Open to all women, with no formal membership required. They host regular gatherings and activities.

People are making up excuses like shame isn't another regular group in my town. The meetings is a cover up to have a chat. Also I've got too much stuff. 

Nice to make memories, when I get older and look back what I done.

Some people understand about the group as it's a good way of doing something creative, listening to talks and meet people. 

I'd tried to explain the reasons, that I didn't know know what's happening with the library volunteers and that's why I'd joined.

Another issue is that I'm on a back up list for delivering the community magazine. The same people saying the organisers will expect me to deliver the whole lot (would take me a week to do this); merge the round that the regular distributor and others don't want to do 32 houses. The regular will ask me to take over and we made arrangements. I wasn't keen on the money side.

People tried to plan for my future by saying I ought to do an non existent training course, and making me go to book binding once a week. Told them I won't go and got nasty saying wish we talk about this in the first place and trying plan for your future. Also making me go to a job fair and nearly forcing me to apply for vacancies in the chemist. They're keep on saying I'll be good at it.

In 2015 I had a nervous breakdown. 

My friends say sorry going through a tough time and shouldn't done this in the first place. 

Just want everyone on the same page as me, accept me and move on. 

I go out for a walk, meet people and see the views. 

Why are they doing this to me?

Dear Vardaguyn, I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing with your social group. It isn't easy when people don't understand your needs, especially if you are feeling vulnerable.

From what you write, it is tricky to assess what the other people's intent is (why they are doing this).

I wonder whether their efforts to point you towards specific things stem from a genuine intent to help you towards what they see as a better situation, or to make a problem go away? Sometimes groups also dump activities onto the person least likely or least able to say no.

Either way, it's important that you can advocate for what you want and need, or have someone alongside you who can help you with this. I hope you have a good friend or ally who can watch out for you. What you want for your life matters, a lot. Take good care.

'H'

Dear Vardaguyn, I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing with your social group. It isn't easy when people don't understand your needs, especially if you are feeling vulnerable.

From what you write, it is tricky to assess what the other people's intent is (why they are doing this).

I wonder whether their efforts to point you towards specific things stem from a genuine intent to help you towards what they see as a better situation, or to make a problem go away? Sometimes groups also dump activities onto the person least likely or least able to say no.

Either way, it's important that you can advocate for what you want and need, or have someone alongside you who can help you with this. I hope you have a good friend or ally who can watch out for you. What you want for your life matters, a lot. Take good care.

'H'