"Dear Harriet" - agony aunt for ND problems (for fun!)

Magazines and newspapers used to have an “agony aunt” column, where people could ask for advice about relationships. So, how about an ND-problems agony aunt?

What’s your question?


Dear Harriet

How can I get my NT neighbours to stop dropping by and ringing my doorbell without warning? They seem unsure and surprised when I answer the door in my pyjamas with unwashed hair on days when I’m not expecting anyone. Should I post a notice on the door to ring come back in half an hour?

Parents
  • Dear Deirdre, 

    Why do people look at me strangely when I ask not to be hugged?

    Why don’t people believe I’m autistic?

  • Dear Roy, two very good questions.

    NTs tend to be programmed in 'teddy bear' mode at the factory so they like hugs very much, even if hugging rubs their fur off over the years. They find it hard to believe that some people operate in 'hedgehog' mode because hugs make them feel icky or overwhelmed or whatever. So they look strangely at 'hedgehogs' because the hedgehogs are different and also they as teddies will be deprived of a hug. It confuses them.

    There are many reasons why someone may not believe you are autistic, even if you tell them. Here are just a couple. Maybe they see you 'pass' as an NT because you are a ninja at masking. Maybe they don't want to associate you with something that scares them, probably because they don't understand autism. Maybe recognising you are different would require them to adapt or accommodate and they don't want to or don't know how. Or maybe they habitually choose not to believe another person's truth, which would be rude...

    We have yet to evolve to autism v7, where we all get green spots, so I reckon this will be a continuing issue. Sorry.

    'H'

Reply
  • Dear Roy, two very good questions.

    NTs tend to be programmed in 'teddy bear' mode at the factory so they like hugs very much, even if hugging rubs their fur off over the years. They find it hard to believe that some people operate in 'hedgehog' mode because hugs make them feel icky or overwhelmed or whatever. So they look strangely at 'hedgehogs' because the hedgehogs are different and also they as teddies will be deprived of a hug. It confuses them.

    There are many reasons why someone may not believe you are autistic, even if you tell them. Here are just a couple. Maybe they see you 'pass' as an NT because you are a ninja at masking. Maybe they don't want to associate you with something that scares them, probably because they don't understand autism. Maybe recognising you are different would require them to adapt or accommodate and they don't want to or don't know how. Or maybe they habitually choose not to believe another person's truth, which would be rude...

    We have yet to evolve to autism v7, where we all get green spots, so I reckon this will be a continuing issue. Sorry.

    'H'

Children
  • I’ve often wondered if it is them who function incorrectly and we actually are normal’. They don’t seem to like adapting when we are the ones who are thought to be too rigid. I think I prefer being a hedgehog.

    I think you are right, autism does scare them, someone said on here ages ago, “ if monkeys come across something they don’t understand, one of them will poke it with a stick, if they still don’t understand it, they attack it.

    Maybe we have evolved to autism V7, that’s what scares them. If someone doesn’t think I’m autistic, my answer should be, “I didn’t think you were stupid but here we are.”

    This meme always explains my thoughts on being with people.