Feeling very alone in thus world. I know i dont belong here.

Hi,

I am in my 7th decade and have generally felt alone most of my life. Your message made me reflect upon the nature of my loneliness.   

Firstly, I generally feel alone surrounded by lots of people, crowds, audiences, etc. because I not connected to them in any way. But, I can also feel very lonely in a 1 to 1 situation; even with partners at times. This is because I am too connected to them and I switch off to be alone.

Secondly, I often choose complete isolation from others to pursue hobbies whilst listening to music or audio books. This is chosen loneliness when I can genuinely relax and feel comfortable in my own skin. I have done this all my life.

Thirdly, this website was mentioned in the information I was given following my recent autism assessment . This has been a big boost to my very low level of being in touch with other people. I like it because I can decide whether and how I want to respond to others. Also, people are as similar to me as I am ever going to find. So, I am certainly not as lonely as I used to be.     

I hope you will benefit from being here and perhaps feel little less lonely too.  

Best wishes,
Oscar

Hi,

I am in my 7th decade and have generally felt alone most of my life. Your message made me reflect upon the nature of my loneliness.   

Firstly, I generally feel alone surrounded by lots of people, crowds, audiences, etc. because I not connected to them in any way. But, I can also feel very lonely in a 1 to 1 situation; even with partners at times. This is because I am too connected to them and I switch off to be alone.

Secondly, I often choose complete isolation from others to pursue hobbies whilst listening to music or audio books. This is chosen loneliness when I can genuinely relax and feel comfortable in my own skin. I have done this all my life.

Thirdly, this website was mentioned in the information I was given following my recent autism assessment . This has been a big boost to my very low level of being in touch with other people. I like it because I can decide whether and how I want to respond to others. Also, people are as similar to me as I am ever going to find. So, I am certainly not as lonely as I used to be.     

I hope you will benefit from being here and perhaps feel little less lonely too.  

Best wishes,
Oscar

Now in my 8th decade, your message in turn may me reflect in the same vein. 

Growing up, I had an older brother who was physically disabled, so I was his arms and legs so to speak. These days I'd probably be seen as his carer, but it didn't feel like that at the time.  He passed away unexpectedly almost 50 years ago at the age of 24, and I have felt lonely and alone ever since. I know a lot of people, but have no friends or family to turn to/talk to.  I've been married for over 45 years, and can confirm that there is no lonelier place to be than in an unhappy marriage.

For years I would think to myself "Why aren't I like other people"? Although I haven't had a formal diagnosis, based on test results and life experience I'm quite certain I'm autistic as it's now viewed.  Unfortunately, when it mattered ie when I was a boy/young man, autism had a much narrower definition and indeed a stigma - certainly rarely talked about.  My struggles were not noticed, other than possibly when I was about 9 and my school report said "needs more self-confidence"; nothing ever came from that.

I'm usually OK in a one-to-one situation, but as soon as there are two or more other people I'm always the one on the outside.  I can't bear parties; the more people around me are enjoying themselves, the more withdrawn I become.

I have very few hobbies, and whilst I used to listen to music a lot it's become one of many things that just seem too much effort.

Perhaps the hope expressed in your final paragraph will apply to me too.

Thank you Oscar , I feel you are very similar to me, I’ve always felt like an alien and spend a lot of my time in my workshop with a radio for company. It’s hard to explain that I’m not antisocial, it’s just how I regulate myself. My diagnosis was only last year, I’m fed up with being told that I’ve given up. I used alcohol for decades to try and control autism, this week I will get to 900 days alcohol free, I’m happier in my self but many don’t understand the different me.