Do you ever feel ashamed of being autistic?

Yeah, you're not alone.  I've spent my whole life trying to 'fit in' to society, as if there was something wrong with me.  The autistic traits were noticed in my brother when he was very young, but with me, because I'm female, it always seemed to be because I was annoying, being picky, fussy.  And, I was always slagged off by other girls because I didn't share their interests, and I wouldn't attempt to socialise so I was always called cold and b**chy.  And, when I did try and socialise, it was always 'done the wrong way'.  Apparently everything I did was wrong, people always kept trying to correct everything I did and tried to make me to be a certain way.  I spent years analysing people and trying to act like them.  Had a job in cosmetics thinking spending more time with girls would help me learn how to socialise, but it just ended with me resenting them even more.  It wasn't until years of battling anxiety, OCD, and depression because of all this that it was mentioned to me in my early twenties (by chance, by a new doctor who had another autistic female in her care) that I was probably autistic.  Then everything made sense.

It's been about 5 years since this was mentioned, but I'm still stuck with those feelings in my head that there is something wrong, I should act a certain way, and that I'm stupid.  I really don't want any person on the autism spectrum to think they are stupid, because they are normally far from it.  I just wish I could've believed myself and not all the bullies and adults who called me that over the years.  I hope that the work I do now with the NAS and with years to come my confidence will start growing again and that I can help other people who may feel this way.  It's why I'm starting to run craft classes at my local one stop shop, because I feel craft is good for people on the spectrum to help build their confidence, as there is no right or wrong when creating something artistic.

I do wish sometimes though I didn't go so far out of my way to cover up all my traits (or, imperfections as others seen them as).  it would make my life so much easier.  My current employer have been particularly good with it, but how do you explain to someone that you were 10 minutes later for work because the covers on the bed didn't look right and you needed to rectify that before you could leave the house?  No wonder I see it as a weakness to be ashamed of sometimes...

Yeah, you're not alone.  I've spent my whole life trying to 'fit in' to society, as if there was something wrong with me.  The autistic traits were noticed in my brother when he was very young, but with me, because I'm female, it always seemed to be because I was annoying, being picky, fussy.  And, I was always slagged off by other girls because I didn't share their interests, and I wouldn't attempt to socialise so I was always called cold and b**chy.  And, when I did try and socialise, it was always 'done the wrong way'.  Apparently everything I did was wrong, people always kept trying to correct everything I did and tried to make me to be a certain way.  I spent years analysing people and trying to act like them.  Had a job in cosmetics thinking spending more time with girls would help me learn how to socialise, but it just ended with me resenting them even more.  It wasn't until years of battling anxiety, OCD, and depression because of all this that it was mentioned to me in my early twenties (by chance, by a new doctor who had another autistic female in her care) that I was probably autistic.  Then everything made sense.

It's been about 5 years since this was mentioned, but I'm still stuck with those feelings in my head that there is something wrong, I should act a certain way, and that I'm stupid.  I really don't want any person on the autism spectrum to think they are stupid, because they are normally far from it.  I just wish I could've believed myself and not all the bullies and adults who called me that over the years.  I hope that the work I do now with the NAS and with years to come my confidence will start growing again and that I can help other people who may feel this way.  It's why I'm starting to run craft classes at my local one stop shop, because I feel craft is good for people on the spectrum to help build their confidence, as there is no right or wrong when creating something artistic.

I do wish sometimes though I didn't go so far out of my way to cover up all my traits (or, imperfections as others seen them as).  it would make my life so much easier.  My current employer have been particularly good with it, but how do you explain to someone that you were 10 minutes later for work because the covers on the bed didn't look right and you needed to rectify that before you could leave the house?  No wonder I see it as a weakness to be ashamed of sometimes...