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Do you ever feel ashamed of being autistic?

LivAgain

Hi,

I know it sounds like an awful thing to say and I'm sure it will spark controversy but this is just a question I have never felt able to ask other autistic people and tonight I just thought, "Why not? People are welcome to disagree with me if that's how they feel."

Anyway, I've been having a rough time lately and feel very ashamed of a lot of things. One thing I'm certainly ashamed of is being autistic. Everything about it feels like a threat - a threat to my femininity, to my appearance, to how others will perceive me. It's hard to put into words but it's almost as though the symptoms don't worry me (I don't actually have a great deal of symptoms, really; not nowadays anyway) but the label itself is damaging me more and more every day.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this but I don't want to wonder anymore. Does anyone else feel like this?

Thank you,

LivAgain 

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    When I was younger, I would have dearly loved to have been a great footballer. I wanted to play on the school team. I admired George Best, Bobby Charlton and all of the great players. I now totally understand that I was never cut out to be a good footballer but my lack of ability in that area doesn't make me sad.

    I always hated going to discos, loud busy places that everyone else seems to enjoy. I was always baffled by how much fun other people seemed to have. I now understand why this was so. I accept my dislike of such things as a fact of life. I chose not to go to such places but I don't envy the people who do go and enjoy those things. I don't waste any time wishing it were any different.

    I do enjoy reading books and scouring the internet for new things to learn. I have to stop myself doing this for too long as there are other things I have to do.

    I enjoy a good argument with one of the small number of good friends I have. We can set the world to rights and listen to each other and enjoy the cut and thrust of argument. We don't have to agree with each other but we can accept our differences and absorb and refine our thoughts as we go.

    I enjoy going to quiet places such as National Trust houses. I have worked out that one of the reasons I like this is that there are very few people there and the people that are there are people that I find agreeable.

    At work, I am surrounded by noisy people who talk very loudly and this used to cause me stress. I now enjoy being able to shut them out whenever I like by using noise cancelling headphones. In this case I have turned my former stress into a source of satisfaction. I enjoy being able to control whether they annoy me or not.

    I haven't worked out how to make my bosses understand me and this is still causing me stress but I can do something about this. I can look for another job or I can work out how to make friends with them and influence them. I have some choice about all of the things that stress me. I can choose to deal with stress in a way that I can't choose to not have Asperger's.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    When I was younger, I would have dearly loved to have been a great footballer. I wanted to play on the school team. I admired George Best, Bobby Charlton and all of the great players. I now totally understand that I was never cut out to be a good footballer but my lack of ability in that area doesn't make me sad.

    I always hated going to discos, loud busy places that everyone else seems to enjoy. I was always baffled by how much fun other people seemed to have. I now understand why this was so. I accept my dislike of such things as a fact of life. I chose not to go to such places but I don't envy the people who do go and enjoy those things. I don't waste any time wishing it were any different.

    I do enjoy reading books and scouring the internet for new things to learn. I have to stop myself doing this for too long as there are other things I have to do.

    I enjoy a good argument with one of the small number of good friends I have. We can set the world to rights and listen to each other and enjoy the cut and thrust of argument. We don't have to agree with each other but we can accept our differences and absorb and refine our thoughts as we go.

    I enjoy going to quiet places such as National Trust houses. I have worked out that one of the reasons I like this is that there are very few people there and the people that are there are people that I find agreeable.

    At work, I am surrounded by noisy people who talk very loudly and this used to cause me stress. I now enjoy being able to shut them out whenever I like by using noise cancelling headphones. In this case I have turned my former stress into a source of satisfaction. I enjoy being able to control whether they annoy me or not.

    I haven't worked out how to make my bosses understand me and this is still causing me stress but I can do something about this. I can look for another job or I can work out how to make friends with them and influence them. I have some choice about all of the things that stress me. I can choose to deal with stress in a way that I can't choose to not have Asperger's.

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