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Do you ever feel ashamed of being autistic?

LivAgain

Hi,

I know it sounds like an awful thing to say and I'm sure it will spark controversy but this is just a question I have never felt able to ask other autistic people and tonight I just thought, "Why not? People are welcome to disagree with me if that's how they feel."

Anyway, I've been having a rough time lately and feel very ashamed of a lot of things. One thing I'm certainly ashamed of is being autistic. Everything about it feels like a threat - a threat to my femininity, to my appearance, to how others will perceive me. It's hard to put into words but it's almost as though the symptoms don't worry me (I don't actually have a great deal of symptoms, really; not nowadays anyway) but the label itself is damaging me more and more every day.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this but I don't want to wonder anymore. Does anyone else feel like this?

Thank you,

LivAgain 

Parents

  • I would also add, that I am the only person with Asperger's/Autism in my immediate family, so no Autism culture exists. You are not really 'allowed' to have mental health problems/issues in my family, and this has no doubt helped to reinforce my feelings of defilement.

    I do not think that my Autism is primarily genetic. During my mum's pregnancy, I stopped growing in the womb and suffered from intrauterine growth restriction. I was  a low-birth weight baby, although I was healthy. My mum was stressed and not eating because her mum had terminal cancer. It seems more than coincidence that I should have a brain problem, considering these events. My brother had no problems in utero, and while we share traits, he is functioning ok, has a girlfriend, a full time job, and has no issues at all.

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  • I would also add, that I am the only person with Asperger's/Autism in my immediate family, so no Autism culture exists. You are not really 'allowed' to have mental health problems/issues in my family, and this has no doubt helped to reinforce my feelings of defilement.

    I do not think that my Autism is primarily genetic. During my mum's pregnancy, I stopped growing in the womb and suffered from intrauterine growth restriction. I was  a low-birth weight baby, although I was healthy. My mum was stressed and not eating because her mum had terminal cancer. It seems more than coincidence that I should have a brain problem, considering these events. My brother had no problems in utero, and while we share traits, he is functioning ok, has a girlfriend, a full time job, and has no issues at all.

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