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Do you ever feel ashamed of being autistic?

LivAgain

Hi,

I know it sounds like an awful thing to say and I'm sure it will spark controversy but this is just a question I have never felt able to ask other autistic people and tonight I just thought, "Why not? People are welcome to disagree with me if that's how they feel."

Anyway, I've been having a rough time lately and feel very ashamed of a lot of things. One thing I'm certainly ashamed of is being autistic. Everything about it feels like a threat - a threat to my femininity, to my appearance, to how others will perceive me. It's hard to put into words but it's almost as though the symptoms don't worry me (I don't actually have a great deal of symptoms, really; not nowadays anyway) but the label itself is damaging me more and more every day.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this but I don't want to wonder anymore. Does anyone else feel like this?

Thank you,

LivAgain 

Parents

  • Personally, no. I absolutely do not feel ashamed. My autism gives me both challenges and gifts. It's me. That is all. 

    But, I hate to think of you struggling with this. Your struggles with guilt feelings must be tough and I do not wish yo belittle those in any way. We must all work that out as best we can.

    It's not for any of us to tell you how to feel. You feel what you feel. But to my mind, how others perceive us is their problem. How we feel about who we are is ours. The two should not, in priciple at least, be linked.

Reply

  • Personally, no. I absolutely do not feel ashamed. My autism gives me both challenges and gifts. It's me. That is all. 

    But, I hate to think of you struggling with this. Your struggles with guilt feelings must be tough and I do not wish yo belittle those in any way. We must all work that out as best we can.

    It's not for any of us to tell you how to feel. You feel what you feel. But to my mind, how others perceive us is their problem. How we feel about who we are is ours. The two should not, in priciple at least, be linked.

Children
  • in reply to Dawn

    I wonder about guilt.  Rationally, I don't think any guilt attaches to such experiences.  But on an emotional level guilt and shame do feel interlinked. 

    Personally I probably direct much of it outwards because many of the feelings of shame have been installed by others, often those in positions of power, like educators, or those who assume power, like bullies.  I guess I'm harbouring some anger too.