what do I feel

Hi recombinantsocks thanks for the reply.

I have no parents (deceased) or friends. I am married but it's difficult to talk about what has happened when I am not sure I have worked it out myself. He never forces me to talk and gives me space. I express myself far better in writting than spoken word.

The reasons are because of the breakdown in placements due to communication problems and my poor abilities with social interaction. In my reviews I got so worried that I was unable to look people in the eye at all, I don't read there face/body language and I have trouble responding, I misunderstand their intentions and I am sure all of this has gone against me also, when I may have reacted innapropriately. I had hoped the diagnosis would make a positive difference as it could explain my behaviour but it hasn't helped it has gone against me.

They have dismissed me because there job within the college was to prepare and recommend me for a role (minister of religion) that could be National and they feel that because the position is a social role and with social responsibility includeing pastoral responsibilites that I would be unsuitable and so they couldn't give me the recommendation or accreditation.

Even though I understand this, that it seems the role would not be suitable for someone like me. I struggle to accept it. It had been my ambition and passion for the last 10 years.

I am not relieved by it, they were very aware that I would have done anything to keep on the programme, whatever it took. I have worked very hard to get this far and I was determined to make it. This role was based on my special interests of Theology/Social Justice, I have no idea what I will do now.

I said I wasn't depressed because I associate depression with sadness and I don't feel sad. But then at the moment I don't feel anything. 

Thanks for allowing me to vent some of this. Maybe it has already helped.

T.

Hi recombinantsocks thanks for the reply.

I have no parents (deceased) or friends. I am married but it's difficult to talk about what has happened when I am not sure I have worked it out myself. He never forces me to talk and gives me space. I express myself far better in writting than spoken word.

The reasons are because of the breakdown in placements due to communication problems and my poor abilities with social interaction. In my reviews I got so worried that I was unable to look people in the eye at all, I don't read there face/body language and I have trouble responding, I misunderstand their intentions and I am sure all of this has gone against me also, when I may have reacted innapropriately. I had hoped the diagnosis would make a positive difference as it could explain my behaviour but it hasn't helped it has gone against me.

They have dismissed me because there job within the college was to prepare and recommend me for a role (minister of religion) that could be National and they feel that because the position is a social role and with social responsibility includeing pastoral responsibilites that I would be unsuitable and so they couldn't give me the recommendation or accreditation.

Even though I understand this, that it seems the role would not be suitable for someone like me. I struggle to accept it. It had been my ambition and passion for the last 10 years.

I am not relieved by it, they were very aware that I would have done anything to keep on the programme, whatever it took. I have worked very hard to get this far and I was determined to make it. This role was based on my special interests of Theology/Social Justice, I have no idea what I will do now.

I said I wasn't depressed because I associate depression with sadness and I don't feel sad. But then at the moment I don't feel anything. 

Thanks for allowing me to vent some of this. Maybe it has already helped.

T.