• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 81 subscribers
  • Views 121 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

No personality and loneliness

iain72

Hi

I was hoping someone could advise.

Since my late diagnosis last year aged 53 I have realised that I was masking all of the time. Now that I have stopped masking I feel that I have no real established personality and don't know how to make friends anymore. In the past I would put on a bit of an act but now I tend not to want to talk if the conversation means I may have to mask to get involved.

Has anyone got any advice on how I can find my true self because I feel lost.

Thanks

Iain

Parents

  • I came to the conclusion that I was my true self at all times. The difference being that on my own at home I was not having to use social skills, but out in public I was using hard-won social skills, so was having to put effort in. In both cases I was equally my true self. The major difference between allistics and autistics is that allistics acquire and use social skills subconsciously and autistics use far more conscious intellect to do the same things. This means that we have to use a lot of intellectual effort when in social situations, which is why socialising can be exhausting. I think that the idea that the autistic person when using his or her social skills is somehow inauthentic is not a useful concept. Looked at this way 'masking' is just the use of a set of skills that have been learned - if you learn to play a musical instrument are you inauthentic when you play it, or are you still you but using acquired skills?

  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks Martin

     Very good point about whether you are authentic playing a musical instrument. I sometimes question if I sm being authentic learning art but this helps me now. Thanks 

  • in reply to iain72

    All art builds on influences, so you are in good company there. We are all artists if we want to be - whether we are good or bad should be someone else's problem, though the harsher critic will often be the self. Explore and enjoy is my advice.  

Reply Children
No Data