Relationship counselling - Audhd and neurotypical

Sounds like thier systems are unable to cope with any disability, would they be able to cope with someone with partial sight or hearing. I'd ask your counsellor to ask thier superior or even head office for guidance on navigating this as there seem to be two sets of rules at odds here.

It's challenging because there's no one nearby who's available to help. I prefer not to seek assistance only from an ND, but what I really need is simply not to have to explain why I’m avoiding eye contact, sitting in a more closed-off way, or having to move around to process information. I also find it hard when I can't answer questions immediately. One thing that really confused me was when homework was given, and they didn't send a message with it or the summary they provided. I was told I couldn't use Otter.ai or transcribe in another way, even though one of my main accommodations at university was to have a note-taker or a summary sent to me. When they started quoting GDPR and privacy rules—only involving two people—I reminded them about the Equality Act and reasonable adjustments. That’s where we left it. 

I wonder if everyting needs to looked at through the lens of autism/adhd? I'm sure there are things, particulalry in couples counselling that will be the same for NT's and ND's, I'm thinking of differences in libido, something that often brings couples to counselling. I'm not sure how looking at it through an ND lens would make any difference? Many people feel uncomfortable talking about sex and thier needs and desires, or simply don't have the language to express what they feel I think its a bit of a misnomer to think that only ND's have problems speaking about intimacy, plenty of NT's do too. Then, even if you can speak easily, what lens do you use to look at something like one partners needs and desires being at total odds to thier partners?

I used Relate in the 80s and found my particular counsellor OK, although I've heard it's very variable. My husband and I ran through various counsellors at the time, and I've seen two or three more by myself, since. I've since had very basic counselling training, as well as a couple of other 'soft' skills training, such as mediation and facilitation. Looking back in the light of all that experience, I'd say Relate is fine for straightforward issues, but not trained to deal with neurodiversity. It's possible that most counselling services aren't, and if I were looking for counselling now, the first question I'd ask the counsellor was how experienced they are with ADHD/Autism.

Couples counselling is difficult enough in person and I wouldn't want to try it online as it's far easier that way to evade the counselling in one way or another. Besides, reading the body language is an important as what people say - or don't say. If that's the way you would both prefer to go, you might be able to find someone in this site's directory. It covers counselling but I can't see a way to filter for couples counselling and you might have to plough through all the entries to find what you want.

I've used relate and didn't find them that good, it depends on why you're there and who your counsellor is and what they're like, one I and my ex husband saw just reinforced our problems and I felt gas lit me, I don't think she was very experienced. Couples counselling will always depend on both parties being honest and not playing games, a good counsellor will spot any game playing and call it out, even if it's something as seemingly bland as 'I sense you don't really want to be here?' Can set off a chain reaction where one party ends up stopping counselling, others think that a counsellor is there to "fix" their partner and they're not, they're there to help you fix yourselves or part amicably.

Ask yourself what it is you'd like a counsellor to do? What area's can they help you with? Most people don't realise counselling can be quite hard work and that you might be given homework and be asked how it went at the next session.

I know online counselling has become quite normal, but as a former counsellor, I would not be happy to use online either as a counsellor or a client as I think a lot of nuances would be missed, especially if you can only see the faces of the clients and not thier body language. Body language plays a huge part in any counselling relationship and especially so in couples counselling, someones body language can tell you so much more than whats coming out of a persons mouth.