I'm the last one to understand

It's about my job and new courses where we, employers are supposed to be good at reading customer's body language and catch it if a customer is behaving nervous. It's important for two things- robbery,  that occurs from time to time. It turned out I was nearby twice, when a customer stole an item. But I had no idea about it. And possible illegal activity. I can't share much detail about this one, but there we are also supposed to catch a suspiciously behaving customer and report the case to the police. How on earth am I supposed to catch it? I can understand some of expressions to some degree, depending also on how clear they are, only if I'm concentrated on the person and only if I know them and the pattern of their behaviour. 

When it comes to patterns it turns out, this one is also working against me. Some time ago one lady stole quite much money from the safe. She was an employee in the company. Quite recently it turned out, I was present at the very moment of stealing money but I didn't know about it and didn't report anything. Because in our company there is surprisingly high number of couples in relationship between our colleagues, and from time to time someone locks themselves in a room to have some privacy, or they go to the backyard behind containers. So I was sure, that she locked herself in the main office because there was something intimate going on and maybe hiding some other colleague without clothes and i interrupted them. Then it turned out I interrupted her in stealing money. I had an envelope with documents that arrived that day from our headquarters and simply needed to leave it upstarirs for the management. 

Am I an idiot, goof or would anyone here think the same thing as me? Looks like an official diagnosis maybe life saving for me, if it's autism. Or other diagnosis accordingly. Sorry for long rant. I hope I won't end up having issues with the ław or being fired. 

  • No, you are definitely neither an idiot or a goof. But I have to wonder if some of your work colleagues, and possibly management as well, qualify for either or both of those descriptions given what you've alluded to. It sounds like the company is highly dysfunctional, and you might want to consider making plans to hand in your notice.