• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 260 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Living an authentic life. Who must bear the cost?

forget_me_not48

I have run out of steam, kaput, exhausted, and depleted of having to confirm to neurotypical ways of being. Approaching my 50’s, I would like to live a life of solitude with my partner and dog. 

However, the pressure to attend constant gatherings is not sustainable. It’s the time of year also where I start dreading Christmas. Feel sick and anxious just thinking about it. Had enough of the constant background pressure I can’t take anymore.

My problem and I don’t say it lightly…my problem is my family and partners family. Lots of people with lots of birthday and events that I must attend otherwise people will be hurt and confused.

But I don’t want to. ever again. 

Its that simple. 

Unless of course they would all like to do things I enjoy, for example sitting in silence, discussing characters and scenes out of favorite books. We don’t hug each other or make eye contact or talk about the weather or the soaps on TV. But of course they won’t do that. 

So who must pay the cost? Me? Do I continue having to pay the cost for the rest of my days by complying with their needs that I must socialise and do normal things? I work full time in a stressful job so 100% plus more of my energy goes into that, I’ve nothing left evenings and weekends.

So who must pay the cost and which is harder? Their hurt feelings and my partners hurt feelings becuase I can’t tolerate group settings for any length of time, or the cost to me of conforming?

I believe that if neurotypical people had to spend even an hour in our shoes they wouldn’t last a minute, has anyone ever pondered this before?

Is anyone else in this situation or does anyone understand me? Disappointed

Thanks for reading, feeling so misunderstood at the minute can you relate?

Parents

  • I just flat out refused to attend gatherings like that anymore, I have social phobia and I tell people about it when I'm invited to gatherings. I'm lucky, my extended family are a fairly neurodiverse bunch and theres no pressure to do anything much and they all come here anyway which I find more manageable as I can hide in the kitchen and cook or they will be hiding in the kitchen cooking. Another reason I don't enjoy socialising is that I don't drink alcohol and most people do and drunk people are really boring to be around, I have a lot of allergies and food intollerances too which are a double edged sword, on the one hand they provide an excellent excuse for not socialising and on the other it means that I never eat out, not even takeaways which is a pain in the bum.

    I agree that most NT's woouldn't last a minute in our shoes, but we're expected to live our lifetimes in thiers and it is really unfair. Have you tried telling them how you feel and did/do you feel heard? I'm intrested as I pretty much fell out with my ex husbands entire family because I wouldn't go to family events, especially weddings, I hate weddings, they make me feel physically sick to the point where I can't watch tv programes about them or stand listening to people tak about them. I didn't particulalry like my ex in laws which made it easier, I didn't like the way that if one family member did something they all had to do  it too, which I found weird, there was a lot of pressure to conform to thier norms, like not wearing green around my ex father in law as he didnt like it and it's my favourite colour. 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    That's weird that he didn't want you to wear green because he doesn't like it. Sounds controlling!

  • in reply to Tamarinda

    He was controlling, he hit me once in front of my children! I hit him back without really thinking about it, I just reacted and stared him down. My ex husband didn't really want to talk about it and then denied it ever happened, especially after the bruise faded.

Reply Children
No Data