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Living an authentic life. Who must bear the cost?

forget_me_not48

I have run out of steam, kaput, exhausted, and depleted of having to confirm to neurotypical ways of being. Approaching my 50’s, I would like to live a life of solitude with my partner and dog. 

However, the pressure to attend constant gatherings is not sustainable. It’s the time of year also where I start dreading Christmas. Feel sick and anxious just thinking about it. Had enough of the constant background pressure I can’t take anymore.

My problem and I don’t say it lightly…my problem is my family and partners family. Lots of people with lots of birthday and events that I must attend otherwise people will be hurt and confused.

But I don’t want to. ever again. 

Its that simple. 

Unless of course they would all like to do things I enjoy, for example sitting in silence, discussing characters and scenes out of favorite books. We don’t hug each other or make eye contact or talk about the weather or the soaps on TV. But of course they won’t do that. 

So who must pay the cost? Me? Do I continue having to pay the cost for the rest of my days by complying with their needs that I must socialise and do normal things? I work full time in a stressful job so 100% plus more of my energy goes into that, I’ve nothing left evenings and weekends.

So who must pay the cost and which is harder? Their hurt feelings and my partners hurt feelings becuase I can’t tolerate group settings for any length of time, or the cost to me of conforming?

I believe that if neurotypical people had to spend even an hour in our shoes they wouldn’t last a minute, has anyone ever pondered this before?

Is anyone else in this situation or does anyone understand me? Disappointed

Thanks for reading, feeling so misunderstood at the minute can you relate?

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  • forget_me_not48 said:
    So who must pay the cost? Me? Do I continue having to pay the cost for the rest of my days by complying with their needs that I must socialise and do normal things?

    My opinion is that if you want to maintain your current relationship with you partner and a resemblance of your lifestyle then you will have to pay the cost. It is a decision you must make and therefore you pay for your decisions.

    If you think about what the future could look like it makes a little more sense. 

    Consider if you withdraw from society and live a hermit like existence with your partner and dog - how will this affect your partner. Do they take pleasure from the social / familial interactions? If so you will either be taking these away from them or leaving them to deal with everything alone. I would suggest talking to them in depth about this as it often means any difficult interactions (eg conflict, illness, others in need etc) are things they will have to deal with all on their own and this is not fair on them.

    Perhaps agreeing with your partner a better balance of fewer social / familial interactions is a healthier balance where you have more opportunity to recover from what sounds like burnout.

    I get where you are coming from though, but remember that you will always be responsible for your own decisions and will pay the price one way or another in the end, so finding the right sort of decision to make will be important.

    This is all just the opinion of some random person from the internet so don't place too much value on it.

  • in reply to Iain

    Hi  thanks for taking the time to reply.

    Yes deep down I think you’re right but I just keep fighting it. Like why can’t you all live like me instead of the other way around? Like why do all the expectations have to be on me? Anyway rhetorical questions. Thanks again :)

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