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Help pls

outraged

So, my mother needs major surgery, the removal of a kidney due to a large tumour. She has, to date been in hospital for ten days. I find hospitals difficult for both sensory and social anxiety reasons. I have visited three times for about an hour on each occasion. My sister-in-law, whom I despise and who has nothing but contempt for me, believes this to be markedly insufficient and has been discussing my visiting negatively with others. This has been reducing my ability to a, go to the hospital and b, go/do any other necessary thing (such as shopping, I now have no food) as anytime I am able to go out I am confronted by the necessity of visiting the hospital. I recieve phone calls from relatives I've never met berating me for not visiting enough. Im doing what I can. What do I do?

Parents

  • This seems to be universal NT behaviour. The relatives berating you....how often have they visited? Its a form of blame transfer, picking on you to cover their own shortfalls.

    As long as someone goes everyday - it doesn't have to be a family gathering each time, and pity the poor patent, your mother, overwhelmed with more visitors perhaps than she gets in an ordinary week. You've been on average 1 hour every three days.  So who, to the best of your knowledge, has gone more often. And are they going there for your mother's benefit or to score off each other?

    A couple of phone messages as suggested by Yorkshitrelass, and make sure she gets flowers or if allowed - chocolates, sweets to suck to pass the time. Maybe phone and ask her if there is anything you can bring in for her.

    Hospitals are grim from a spectrum point of view, crowded, noisy, strange smells, strange sounds. Reminds me i'd offered to go on a working group to cover autism at my local hospital, so need to chase up, as its two weeks since and no further contact - it is important the autism perspective is conveyed to staff.

Reply

  • This seems to be universal NT behaviour. The relatives berating you....how often have they visited? Its a form of blame transfer, picking on you to cover their own shortfalls.

    As long as someone goes everyday - it doesn't have to be a family gathering each time, and pity the poor patent, your mother, overwhelmed with more visitors perhaps than she gets in an ordinary week. You've been on average 1 hour every three days.  So who, to the best of your knowledge, has gone more often. And are they going there for your mother's benefit or to score off each other?

    A couple of phone messages as suggested by Yorkshitrelass, and make sure she gets flowers or if allowed - chocolates, sweets to suck to pass the time. Maybe phone and ask her if there is anything you can bring in for her.

    Hospitals are grim from a spectrum point of view, crowded, noisy, strange smells, strange sounds. Reminds me i'd offered to go on a working group to cover autism at my local hospital, so need to chase up, as its two weeks since and no further contact - it is important the autism perspective is conveyed to staff.

Children
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