Older late diagnosed or self identifying people, do you ever wonder how you made it to adulthood?

Hi Roy

To help me with context may I ask how old you are? Im 68, was diagnosed late, just four years ago..

To answer your question - the autism diagnosis explained pretty much everthing, especially in the light of abuse which led to C-PTSD which I am also diagnosed with. However knowing why I was/am like I was/am doesn’t help at all, its like understanding why say a car is broken but not having or being able to access the tools to fix it. ie: me. 

In fact the knowledge has made things worse, particularly as those who can help me won’t , and who want to help me can’t. I think it is might only be a matter of time before I make another attempt on my life. 

I don’t understand why people congratulate others on receiving an autism diagnosis, its not magical or wonderful or a special gift, well not in my experience. 

Hello Alice-nice-Alice , I’m really sorry if I’ve opened up old wounds. In answer to your question, I will be 60 next year, I’m not  bothered by it as I don’t really celebrate birthdays, it’s just a number. 

I was diagnosed just over a year ago, as a child I was groomed and eventually abused, I didn’t mention it at my assessment as I felt too ashamed and thought they would think me too damaged to diagnose. I am aware abuse can come in many different forms.

To be honest I couldn’t have gone on much longer, stumbling upon autism really did save me and gave me a lot of the answers I needed.

I was asked at my assessment whether I had ever considered suicide, my reply was I had actually bought the rope, it seemed to unsettle the specialist. 
At the moment I have chosen life and will try and keep going, if I fail then the abuser wins and I won’t let them win. Sorry to be so frank but that’s how it is.

That was powerful reading, I feel the same, I lived out of sheer stubourness because I won't let "them" win. I think it's one of those things where if you've not experienced it yourself it's very hard to understand how choosing life can start as an act of spite and then grow into something amazing. A fully rounded person, scarred and unafraid to show the wounds, being authentic and enjoying life, despite the years spent with people intent on destroying your very being.

Thanks, It is spite and I know that person is now dead, I’m alive, I won and I will keep winning. In the 70’s and 80’s we were told to stay away from ‘dirty old men,” they were nothing like that, even then people got jobs that gave them easy access to children, these people come from all walks of life.

I read Alice’s original comment when they wrote it at about 4am, I was awake as I had a nightmare, it never really stops.

Thanks, It is spite and I know that person is now dead, I’m alive, I won and I will keep winning. In the 70’s and 80’s we were told to stay away from ‘dirty old men,” they were nothing like that, even then people got jobs that gave them easy access to children, these people come from all walks of life.

I read Alice’s original comment when they wrote it at about 4am, I was awake as I had a nightmare, it never really stops.