Hey,
Well, after a nosedive into this field in search of explanation, I found a lot of answers.. but I’ve got more questions so i’ll give this forum a go.
Now being ‘how I am’, these might seem absurdly specific but they are not.
..for me it’s existential.
Genuinely- I’m looking for guidance for those who are, and i’ll say this knowing what it most probably will be perceived as Twice afflicted AUDHD.
It’s going to be easier going forward if some of the ‘audhd’, within myself is understood as having some establishment and self awareness.
Maybe understanding the WHY, of these queries in advance will help understand the scope of the WHAT. Hopefully, broadening an understanding.
.. and I appreciate any feedback regardless.x
Straight into the WHY:
As best I can explain.
I find a struggle in morality with regards to interacting with people whom self delude. There’s, shall we call it, an inferred social baseline. In pursuance of that baseline, I’ve found a pattern that can’t be ignored.
When one looks at faith, religion in general, acedemia, ‘Autism awareness’, the food industry, the finance industry, welfare in general, a lot of Art and almost the entirety of the ‘fine art’ industry, any industry that involves significant commerce, about 75-80% of people I’ve ever met, I found it so hard to deal with this. I’ve obviously referred the problem as to be within myself.
I my thoughts on my case.
I’ve not found much differentiation on guidance for those who probably require a weightier explanation.
How does one truly ground a social value when that seems so transient in reality?
How does everyone else navigate a world with 80% involuntary hypocrisy, within not only its organisation, but its direction, its speech on an individual level, through to a national level. Consider every moment people generally interact.
( I would love to explain every aspect of everything I’m proposing in even this post, I’m chopping huge aspects if that’s not obvious but happy to elaborate if requested x. )
In summary:
I operate life, about 95% of the time, in what can best be described as a hyper mathematical sense. I essentially pattern recognise, make predictions, and act accordingly.
Fortunately/unfortunately, I do this at hyper speed, at multiple levels, almost constantly. This means I essentially feel like I’m in a game.. like everyone else, I essentially places bets on what’s mostly probabilistically likely to happen next, or happen in consequence.
This extrapolates from the moment I decide to not look both ways when I cross a road, to if my partner an I should emigrate to another country, to if it’s in my interests to laugh extra hard at a joke.
.. exact same process, often in real time, maybe a 20year conjecture.
This has its benefits alongside its pitfalls.
I live in a mode of almost perpetual guilt.
I see profound unending beauty in things others don’t.
So this is something we all do, except perhaps for me, it’s done at hyper speed, across multiple disciplines in real time and I know what’s going on the entire time. At any moment in any conversation or interaction, I could easily explain the use of a single word or inflection and its use based on the probabilistic result of a huge reference able, testable data set across a spectrum other could fill a book.
Again, for me this was 8-10 years old.. in order to navigate puberty, an Irish upbringing, the 90’s etc.. I’ve not been able to stop this, but I’ve layered this.
i’ll have a chatty conversation with others, and I’ll have 1-3 other ‘compute tasks’ running in the background.. sometimes for fun, sometimes for specific completely unrelated problem solving.
I will create complicated compute tasks or philosophical considerations for further rumination to relieve boredom. In conversation, I’ll challenge myself to ‘work’ a figure to completion before I have to answer the next sentence.
The point I’m trying to make here is that, if this is how I operate, why does potentially having more data/knowledge make it so abundantly clear, that the world operates increasingly deluded mode.
( if your first assertion is that my problem is confirmation bias or possibly ptsd related, that is obviously a factor. But a factor that is considered and has had a robust analysis within itself, again another subject I’d like to explore, and your assertion were to be that.. make it survive a query or two.
infact-
I’d love a robust philosophical argument, an engineering one, a medical one, etc ideally to minimum of PHD level.
.. because I have an ego? Absolutely not.
.. because I’m not ashamed to ask anymore.
Trouble is, for some of us, if your still reading.. we need more than placative, tier 1/2 stuff..
What better place than a nationally recognised Autistic Forum?
