My partner of 13 years just broke up with me... I'm 35 now and have built my life with him. We bought a house 8 years ago and still have 22 years on the mortgage for that. I dont know how I'll afford to live on my own. We have a cat. We're family... he's my best friend... probably my only real friend.
He said we should break up because we have no romance left. He questioned whether I'm asexual. He feels like when I kiss him it's just because I have to. We're not intimate in any way.
And he isn't wrong. I do all those things because that's what normal people do. He knows me better than anyone and I think I'm more upset because he's seen through my facade and shattered the last bit of masking I'm doing. I was happy in our companionship because that's all I want from someone... but he wants more and it isn't fair for him to stay with me... but he can move on and have all those relationship things with someone else.. but how can I move on from my one friend? My home?
I think I'm most upset because now my whole life has to change but I can't even cope when I have to dinner slightly later than I'd like...
I don't know how to tell my family and friends. I don't know how I'll be at work tomorrow but I have so much on at work I can't not go in.
I have a million thoughts in my head.... I've adapted my whole personality and lifestyle to fit for 'us' but haven't done that well enough and now I don't know who I am.
And now we're sat together on the sofa watching tv and making awkward jokes and conversation and that's not normal... but I feel the most like me with him... I think, but then a small part of my brain thinks 'well youll have so much more time for reading and puzzles and doing things that you like now'... but I'll also have to eat alone and won't have anyone to talk to in the evenings and fall asleep with.
I feel so sad and so tired and it isn't really even real yet because no one else knows and we're just watching tv together....
I'm so confused and frightened.
