Is it normal to feel embarrassed?

I don't know if I'm embarrassed as such, it's more of a fact that I don't need the extra scrutiny or the risk of having it dismissed, as we all know how trendy it is to be a late diagnosed neurodivergent! I also don't tend to discuss my crippling depression and anxiety which to me is a far greater issue.

It took me 3 months to tell my wife and kids, I think just feared some sort of rejection but thankfully that didn't happen.

I've told one of my siblings and a couple of others that I interact with. I've not informed my employer as I can currently tolerate my current role and they tend to leave me alone to get on with things.

I was diagnosed at 53 so if they didn't know before I feel it's unnecessary to enlighten them.

I'm totally "out" with being autistic, I refuse to be made embarassed or ashamed, socially its helps sort the sheep from the goats as those who reject me or try and make me ashamed in some way are not the sort of people I want to be around and I'd rather find out sooner rather than later when I've put some emotional investment into them. 

If anyone does try and shut me up I just ask why I should, often its them thats embarrassed being with someone who's "not normal". Most people don't care though, in fact many people seem to value the knowlege, it makes them feel more able to be honest and authentic with me and any misunderstandings are more easily sorted out. I also ask my NT friends questions about parts of the NT world that make no sense to me, it opens conversations that lead to them having to think about things they'd never thought about before and just accepted, it's not confrontational, just exploratory, interesting conversation. I also think they value my slightly different outlook on the world with personal problems, as I don't instinctively understand a lot of things, but treat my own culture in a slightly more anthropological way, it helps them to gain some clarity and a viewpoint they might otherwise not have. 

Hi Els, 

Thank you for sharing. Disclosing your diagnosis is very personal and unfortunately the culture we live in still stigmatises Autism and can be a very dififcult world to live in. Our page on talking about and disclosing your diagnosis may be helpful to you: Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis if you would like to read about others experiences.

A big part of what the NAS do is to reduce the stimgmatism around Autism and to educate people about what it actually means and we have run several campaigns to this effect. I can see several of the community have had similar experiences. I hope their experiences can help.

Best wishes,

Alice Mod

Life is hard, so only play the Autism card when it's in your best interest. 

I think I would only tell my dog. People are just too difficult.

Sorry, it is not advice, just frustration I guess.

Hi Els, 

I can feel embarrassed, but more than that, I am worried about how people knowing could negatively impact me. With personal relationships I'm not concerned because if someone doesn't accept me, I'm better off looking for friendship elsewhere. But in a work context, there is discrimination, whether intentional or accidental. 

I don't believe there's anything about Autism that a person should feel embarrassed about. But that's of course very easy to say, and much harder in some situations for a person to believe. 

There is no requirement to tell someone, and I can see how that could seem a safe option. 

What I find really challenging with friends is where you tell someone and they totally minimise how hard it can be for me. The intention may be kind, but it can disempower and belittle. 

One thing I have learned in great detail this last year+ (and having just formally been diagnosed) is just how different any individual person's experience of being autistic is from many of the media stereotypes. I think that makes it harder as it can create yet another set of expectations that others can then put upon me. 

I told my wheelchair rugby club and they just take the piss now and said 'we could have told you that. Its more my family because they don't really get it. But I don't feel embarrassed, I feel more more embarrassed that I didn't realize until the past 6 months and there is all this IRL and online support that I always needed which I can access now. I feel the more people you tell and explain it too, the more they will accept it and you will feel less embarrassed. You need to be careful who you tell and feel safe about it. I don't free I have regressed, I just feel I have stopped doing stuff I couldn't do to begin with and I know why I do things now.