Making friends/loneliness

I'm very fortunate in that I've made some good friends from a few sources. I know not everyone is lucky enough to be able to work and to find a good job even if they can, but two of my closest friends are present and past work colleagues. My other closest friends started off as people I met online through Twitch streams on a subject I'm into and we've since met up in person a couple of times.

But I'm also beginning to realise that there's a lot of societal pressure to have lots of friends and socialise frequently when actually that's not always what we need. Where we might actually be comfortable in our own skin and in our own company, we are sometimes made to feel like we're weird for not interacting with other people more, we're told that there's something missing in our lives, and we start to believe it.

But we don't have to. Don't misunderstand me - having friends and socialising is good and healthy and I recommend it - but it's also not a failing of any kind if you don't. So please don't feel bad that you've struggled with it, and don't feel pressured to have friends and see lots of other people just because that's what society expects. It's so easy to get stressed about this stuff, and ironically that stress and pressure can actually make it harder to actually make friends because it feels like there's so much riding on it.

This might sound silly, but learning to be your own friend first is a big step towards being friends with other people.

One other thing to add is that even for neurotypical people, meeting and getting to know new people is difficult and can seem daunting. So if and when you do manage to meet people, remember they will be just as nervous about it as you are. Try to give them the same reassurance that you would like them to give you.

I'm very fortunate in that I've made some good friends from a few sources. I know not everyone is lucky enough to be able to work and to find a good job even if they can, but two of my closest friends are present and past work colleagues. My other closest friends started off as people I met online through Twitch streams on a subject I'm into and we've since met up in person a couple of times.

But I'm also beginning to realise that there's a lot of societal pressure to have lots of friends and socialise frequently when actually that's not always what we need. Where we might actually be comfortable in our own skin and in our own company, we are sometimes made to feel like we're weird for not interacting with other people more, we're told that there's something missing in our lives, and we start to believe it.

But we don't have to. Don't misunderstand me - having friends and socialising is good and healthy and I recommend it - but it's also not a failing of any kind if you don't. So please don't feel bad that you've struggled with it, and don't feel pressured to have friends and see lots of other people just because that's what society expects. It's so easy to get stressed about this stuff, and ironically that stress and pressure can actually make it harder to actually make friends because it feels like there's so much riding on it.

This might sound silly, but learning to be your own friend first is a big step towards being friends with other people.

One other thing to add is that even for neurotypical people, meeting and getting to know new people is difficult and can seem daunting. So if and when you do manage to meet people, remember they will be just as nervous about it as you are. Try to give them the same reassurance that you would like them to give you.