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Social Communication

SunshineDrive

Where do people personally feel they sit on a line of understanding social communication (not what they are supposed to be like according to science) 

  1. I can’t figure out what people expect of me and often end up lost or staying quiet.
  2. I get social communication wrong more often than I get it right.
  3. I get some things wrong, but I get a lot right too.
  4. I think I understand social communication as well as, or better than, most people

It would be interesting, even if none of these fit your description, to discuss as a starting point. This is very much an ad hoc topic.

What I’m interested in is how autistic people actually experience their own social understanding.

Many discussions start from the assumption that autistic people have social deficits, but lived experience is often much more nuanced than that. Some people may feel completely lost in social situations, some may feel they understand people well but communicate differently, and others may feel they have developed strengths in areas such as pattern recognition, honesty, empathy, or reading behaviour.

I’m interested in where people feel they sit personally, how they arrived there, and whether their experience matches or differs from what they have been told to expect about autism.

There are no right or wrong answers. The options are simply a starting point for exploration and discussion.

Parents

  • I resonate with a lot of your points. A flatmate told me once I was the most genuine person they knew -I think I am straight forward in that respect and honest, and I think it makes me a little gullible and vulnerable to over sharing. That latter point has been really bad in interviews and saying the wrong, and the first has made me look at idiot that the same flatmate tells me one thing then in front of others said the opposite was true (to do with duplicity in relationships). 

    Groups are a nightmare, as I can't focus on one conversation so often wind up in none and not sure what everyone is talking about, but singularly and in groups small enough for only one conversation I can cope well enough, and most of the time, everyone just wants to feel listened to. But if gets complicated, I just feel so out of my depth and immature and just try stay quiet and nod if I'm not sure how I should respond. 

    Other mums at the school gates are a nightmare. There are those I can speak to regularly and chat with, but I just can't join a conversation that's already started like others can. But standing to the side and not joining in and it seems like others see you are aloof and weird when I just don't want to be rude or get lost in a conversation I don't know how it started -how do you know you won't say the wrong thing? 

    Times I've found the hardest was when my child wanted to invite another round, if the parent says 'yeah sometime', but that's it, I think that's a brush off, but certain times I think they expect you to the then message them to arrange and I really can't tell which is which. I find I just can't tell other people's intentions from their words and it scares me immensely.

    There is another parent other people find brash, but I like talking to them as they are straightforward and say what they mean, so I know where I stand and there isn't an extra layer of subtext to confuse me.

    I am more of a listener and let others lead conversations -trying to say something else I tend to stumble over my words or if it's in groups the moment has passed before I have put together in my head what I want to say so I just leave it.

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  • I resonate with a lot of your points. A flatmate told me once I was the most genuine person they knew -I think I am straight forward in that respect and honest, and I think it makes me a little gullible and vulnerable to over sharing. That latter point has been really bad in interviews and saying the wrong, and the first has made me look at idiot that the same flatmate tells me one thing then in front of others said the opposite was true (to do with duplicity in relationships). 

    Groups are a nightmare, as I can't focus on one conversation so often wind up in none and not sure what everyone is talking about, but singularly and in groups small enough for only one conversation I can cope well enough, and most of the time, everyone just wants to feel listened to. But if gets complicated, I just feel so out of my depth and immature and just try stay quiet and nod if I'm not sure how I should respond. 

    Other mums at the school gates are a nightmare. There are those I can speak to regularly and chat with, but I just can't join a conversation that's already started like others can. But standing to the side and not joining in and it seems like others see you are aloof and weird when I just don't want to be rude or get lost in a conversation I don't know how it started -how do you know you won't say the wrong thing? 

    Times I've found the hardest was when my child wanted to invite another round, if the parent says 'yeah sometime', but that's it, I think that's a brush off, but certain times I think they expect you to the then message them to arrange and I really can't tell which is which. I find I just can't tell other people's intentions from their words and it scares me immensely.

    There is another parent other people find brash, but I like talking to them as they are straightforward and say what they mean, so I know where I stand and there isn't an extra layer of subtext to confuse me.

    I am more of a listener and let others lead conversations -trying to say something else I tend to stumble over my words or if it's in groups the moment has passed before I have put together in my head what I want to say so I just leave it.

Children
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