• Replies 24 replies
  • Subscribers 93 subscribers
  • Views 737 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Anyone else not wanting to socialise?

forget_me_not48

Hi, fairly new to the forum and just diagnosed as a 48 year old female.

Im pondering the contentious world of socialising. I woke up this morning fantasizing about a world where I dont ever have to socialize with family, the in laws. I have managed to secure a world for myself where I have two friends with no social demands. Anyway my partner has family who have regular meet ups. It’s all small talk and gossip, and a barrage of words lots of words and noise and body language. I’m expected to attend and I’m becoming angry about it, because the MIL is becoming offended and notices/comments when I don’t. It’s a pressure that’s made me resentful. When I imagine a world where I don’t have to conform, where I could be totally alone and be free of others expectations, it makes me happy, exhilarated and excited. A world I can just be myself and live in peace and happiness with my routines and my books.

Im wondering if anyone else feels this way and how have you managed to navigate social demands/explaining to people your diagnosis? My problem is that people have known me for 48 years without autism, so it’s going to be an uphill battle communicating my needs and not being understood :( I don’t know where to start. If I could just remove people, I feel life would be happier and I’d be very contented and peaceful Shrug tone2‍female sign️

Im also angry because I don’t expect people to spend 10 hours straight researching interests or sitting in a dark quiet room not speaking for days on end so why are we expected to fit in? What is the middle ground here and how can we make life work?

Parents

  • Hello Again. I've really been thinking about this issue of socializing all day today and constantly returning to these messages and reading them. Trying to work out what it means for me and digest the pointers that other people have made that would be really helpful for me too.
    And what I think the crux of the matter is is what do we mean by socializing do we mean meeting other people face to face, or  being in a group where we're all participating in the same activity?
    And it has really helped me today fundamentally helped me today with my own struggle with socializing.
    And I think actually working through these messages today seeing what other people have said having those light bulb moments and pondering the bits that I'm not sure about has all been socialising I've been dealing with other people every time I read these messages every time I've looked at this thread.
    So now I'm going to continue with saying this is my social connection this is my socializing admittedly it's perfect for me that I can switch it on and switch it off how I felt today I did just dip into an out of the thread and thought about it while doing other things.
    So now when I speak to my social worker who is concerned that I spend so much time on my own and don't communicate with other people I can show her this and say here's me communicating here's me socializing here's me thinking about what other people say and entering into a dialogue with them and thinking about how those people are and what their thoughts are and how they affect me so I'm so socializing.
    So what I'm trying to say is in a way try and work out what you mean by socializing and what would work for you.

    Therefore if you want to socialize with other people then you have to work out what is and what isn't acceptable in socializing and work out how you're going to protect yourself when you're socializing office forum is me socializing and having social contact in a way that works for me works for my brain and works for my form of autism which is how I am and actually it's been amazing to have this level of socialization today.
    So yes I am now going to say any online chatting is socializing that works for me and I hope this is helped other people think about that and think about actually okay this is all this is socializing for them to.

Reply

  • Hello Again. I've really been thinking about this issue of socializing all day today and constantly returning to these messages and reading them. Trying to work out what it means for me and digest the pointers that other people have made that would be really helpful for me too.
    And what I think the crux of the matter is is what do we mean by socializing do we mean meeting other people face to face, or  being in a group where we're all participating in the same activity?
    And it has really helped me today fundamentally helped me today with my own struggle with socializing.
    And I think actually working through these messages today seeing what other people have said having those light bulb moments and pondering the bits that I'm not sure about has all been socialising I've been dealing with other people every time I read these messages every time I've looked at this thread.
    So now I'm going to continue with saying this is my social connection this is my socializing admittedly it's perfect for me that I can switch it on and switch it off how I felt today I did just dip into an out of the thread and thought about it while doing other things.
    So now when I speak to my social worker who is concerned that I spend so much time on my own and don't communicate with other people I can show her this and say here's me communicating here's me socializing here's me thinking about what other people say and entering into a dialogue with them and thinking about how those people are and what their thoughts are and how they affect me so I'm so socializing.
    So what I'm trying to say is in a way try and work out what you mean by socializing and what would work for you.

    Therefore if you want to socialize with other people then you have to work out what is and what isn't acceptable in socializing and work out how you're going to protect yourself when you're socializing office forum is me socializing and having social contact in a way that works for me works for my brain and works for my form of autism which is how I am and actually it's been amazing to have this level of socialization today.
    So yes I am now going to say any online chatting is socializing that works for me and I hope this is helped other people think about that and think about actually okay this is all this is socializing for them to.

Children
No Data