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Anyone else not wanting to socialise?

forget_me_not48

Hi, fairly new to the forum and just diagnosed as a 48 year old female.

Im pondering the contentious world of socialising. I woke up this morning fantasizing about a world where I dont ever have to socialize with family, the in laws. I have managed to secure a world for myself where I have two friends with no social demands. Anyway my partner has family who have regular meet ups. It’s all small talk and gossip, and a barrage of words lots of words and noise and body language. I’m expected to attend and I’m becoming angry about it, because the MIL is becoming offended and notices/comments when I don’t. It’s a pressure that’s made me resentful. When I imagine a world where I don’t have to conform, where I could be totally alone and be free of others expectations, it makes me happy, exhilarated and excited. A world I can just be myself and live in peace and happiness with my routines and my books.

Im wondering if anyone else feels this way and how have you managed to navigate social demands/explaining to people your diagnosis? My problem is that people have known me for 48 years without autism, so it’s going to be an uphill battle communicating my needs and not being understood :( I don’t know where to start. If I could just remove people, I feel life would be happier and I’d be very contented and peaceful Shrug tone2‍female sign️

Im also angry because I don’t expect people to spend 10 hours straight researching interests or sitting in a dark quiet room not speaking for days on end so why are we expected to fit in? What is the middle ground here and how can we make life work?

Parents

  • Hi, I've just had an experience that now confirms, why be even try and socialise? I live alone and have no friends in the county, let alone immediate area.  So I have been encouraged by my social worker to attend groups, so I went to an art group for people with mental health issues.  https://www.coda.org.uk/creative-wellbeing-art  on the first visit, I was able to sit in the corner and thus not be hemmed in by people on either side.  Not too many other participants.  Second visit, person next to me kept putting her art things on top of my stuff.  Third visit loud gaggle of friends who obviously had not seen each other for a few sessions, squawked, squealed and generally caused a rather lot of noise, so I left.

    Conclusion, its not worth my stress, anxiety and bewilderment to even try and make connect in any sort of group as I just can't handle the level of noise and the totally inane small talk. Resolution, find an art group online and work through the videos. https://theartsherpa.com/ 

    I get to interact with the art sherpa in a nice quiet relaxed atmosphere and its probably better to chat online here than continue trying to tolerate a gaggle of others.  

    Secondly, before diagnosis, my crutch was alcohol and cigarettes, it was accepted to be able to nip out for a *** at any social or work event.

    Also as a lesbian, any social interaction was in clubs and bars or in political groups, so again much easer, sense of purpose and agenda.

    Throughout life, I have had significant girlfriends, and this is the first time, I have ever lived alone, without pets either and its very difficult, not having pets part, the people.................................who cares...............................

Reply

  • Hi, I've just had an experience that now confirms, why be even try and socialise? I live alone and have no friends in the county, let alone immediate area.  So I have been encouraged by my social worker to attend groups, so I went to an art group for people with mental health issues.  https://www.coda.org.uk/creative-wellbeing-art  on the first visit, I was able to sit in the corner and thus not be hemmed in by people on either side.  Not too many other participants.  Second visit, person next to me kept putting her art things on top of my stuff.  Third visit loud gaggle of friends who obviously had not seen each other for a few sessions, squawked, squealed and generally caused a rather lot of noise, so I left.

    Conclusion, its not worth my stress, anxiety and bewilderment to even try and make connect in any sort of group as I just can't handle the level of noise and the totally inane small talk. Resolution, find an art group online and work through the videos. https://theartsherpa.com/ 

    I get to interact with the art sherpa in a nice quiet relaxed atmosphere and its probably better to chat online here than continue trying to tolerate a gaggle of others.  

    Secondly, before diagnosis, my crutch was alcohol and cigarettes, it was accepted to be able to nip out for a *** at any social or work event.

    Also as a lesbian, any social interaction was in clubs and bars or in political groups, so again much easer, sense of purpose and agenda.

    Throughout life, I have had significant girlfriends, and this is the first time, I have ever lived alone, without pets either and its very difficult, not having pets part, the people.................................who cares...............................

Children
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