• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 49 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Anyone else not wanting to socialise?

forget_me_not48

Hi, fairly new to the forum and just diagnosed as a 48 year old female.

Im pondering the contentious world of socialising. I woke up this morning fantasizing about a world where I dont ever have to socialize with family, the in laws. I have managed to secure a world for myself where I have two friends with no social demands. Anyway my partner has family who have regular meet ups. It’s all small talk and gossip, and a barrage of words lots of words and noise and body language. I’m expected to attend and I’m becoming angry about it, because the MIL is becoming offended and notices/comments when I don’t. It’s a pressure that’s made me resentful. When I imagine a world where I don’t have to conform, where I could be totally alone and be free of others expectations, it makes me happy, exhilarated and excited. A world I can just be myself and live in peace and happiness with my routines and my books.

Im wondering if anyone else feels this way and how have you managed to navigate social demands/explaining to people your diagnosis? My problem is that people have known me for 48 years without autism, so it’s going to be an uphill battle communicating my needs and not being understood :( I don’t know where to start. If I could just remove people, I feel life would be happier and I’d be very contented and peaceful Shrug tone2‍female sign️

Im also angry because I don’t expect people to spend 10 hours straight researching interests or sitting in a dark quiet room not speaking for days on end so why are we expected to fit in? What is the middle ground here and how can we make life work?

Parents

  • Every year the plan was: relatives come down for a family birthday. Every year my plan got rerouted. 

    One year: birthday planned near the railway station. Ended up on a land train instead. Home late, plan gone. 

    Birthdays 2022: Inappropriate presents. “We’ll pay for admission + meals” so I’d owe them. 

    “Future planning”: Cheques for hiking holidays + residential training courses that didn’t exist. Plus pressure to do uncomfortable things I said no to. 

    My group: Explained it 6 times. Got called a “cover up”. One relative eventually listened. One said “sounds like a good group”. 

    2023: Cheque for a “rare pension top up”. Felt misleading. Felt sick. 

    Pattern: My choices → ignored. My boundaries → pushed. My life → planned by them. 

    I left a toxic environment in 2019 to rebuild. That rebuild looks like: events I choose, people who listen, places I want to go. 

     This year they’re not coming down. For my nervous system, that’s a bonus. Not rejection. Relief. 

     My life. My choices. My focus. That’s it.

  • in reply to Vardaguyn

    I can relate! Especially the last bit. The relief to not have to do these things and benefit to your nervous system is quite something! Can I ask…did you tell them not to come down this year / was there a point you verbalized enough is enough I don’t want to socialize and if so how did it go?

Reply Children
No Data