Constantly Misunderstood

Is there a particular person or situation thats causing this, or is it more general, could you give us an example?

In my relationship mainly. He’s not a bad guy in any way shape or form. In fact, he’s the most supportive guy I’ve ever met. It’s just, sometimes it’s hard to explain how I’m feeling about a situation (for example, when he changes the plan all of a sudden) without him saying “if it were the other way around” or misunderstanding my explanation as me having a go at him if that makes sense

It makes absolute sense, sudden changes of plan are one of the most universally unsettling things people with autism face, we need time to adjust our mental preperations, we have trouble being spontaneous, we can't just suddenly upsticks and change plans, thats getting into melt down territory.

I don't know about you, but I often feel that I've suddenly started speaking a foreign language when I say something and the instant repsonse is 'what do you mean?', I've been told, 'I don't need to feel that way' and maybe I don't, but thats beside the point because I do feel like that.

Maybe he needs to do some reading about autism and not just one book or article, you need him to understand what makes you tick and what makes you explode, I think he needs to understand for himself too.

I would suggest that you try turning his 'if it were the other way round' back on him when he doesn't want to do something you do. He'll probably come out some rubbish about how he's love it and be fine with it, but don't believe him, this is a controlling tactic that forces you to do the emotional labour of the relationship, maybe you could ask him why he's so inconsistent with what he wants to do? He may be the most supportive guy you've ever met, but that dosen't make him right all the time, nor should you give in, not stand your ground or fear his reaction to how you feel.

It makes absolute sense, sudden changes of plan are one of the most universally unsettling things people with autism face, we need time to adjust our mental preperations, we have trouble being spontaneous, we can't just suddenly upsticks and change plans, thats getting into melt down territory.

I don't know about you, but I often feel that I've suddenly started speaking a foreign language when I say something and the instant repsonse is 'what do you mean?', I've been told, 'I don't need to feel that way' and maybe I don't, but thats beside the point because I do feel like that.

Maybe he needs to do some reading about autism and not just one book or article, you need him to understand what makes you tick and what makes you explode, I think he needs to understand for himself too.

I would suggest that you try turning his 'if it were the other way round' back on him when he doesn't want to do something you do. He'll probably come out some rubbish about how he's love it and be fine with it, but don't believe him, this is a controlling tactic that forces you to do the emotional labour of the relationship, maybe you could ask him why he's so inconsistent with what he wants to do? He may be the most supportive guy you've ever met, but that dosen't make him right all the time, nor should you give in, not stand your ground or fear his reaction to how you feel.