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Constantly Misunderstood

Els

Is there a way to be understood without accidentally starting an argument or disagreement? Every time I speak up about something that’s bothered me or how I feel about  situation, it’s always thrown back in my face. I look like the bad guy when all I’m trying to do is explain how I feel… It’s very isolating 

Parents

  • Hey, that’s really hard that you keep getting misunderstood, it can be upsetting and frustrating and lead to withdrawing from even trying, at least that's what I find. 

    It's hard to help more without more context, so feel free to add more and people might think of more ideas for you. Communication issues is a big part of autism so you aren't alone in finding it difficult.

    Sometimes I try to phrase things as a question, so it's less of a blunt statement and invites the other person to respond. Being anxious, I tend to throw in lots of 'maybe' and 'perhaps', and 'possibly this could be an issues', without linking it directly to you if you are testing the ground and the people you are with to see what their response might be? Some people dislike anyone disagreeing with them, which makes it harder to say you might feel differently, so it's not always you either.

    Or if you get viewed as being difficult, it doesn't matter what you say, they always see you as hostile afterwards. You could try even just saying you'd like to have some input, but are unsure if it will be taken badly, and see if they then invite your input and hopefully won't be so negative towards you then? 

    I hope it helps a little, and as I said feel free to expand if you want more specific input and someone else might have different suggestions?

Reply

  • Hey, that’s really hard that you keep getting misunderstood, it can be upsetting and frustrating and lead to withdrawing from even trying, at least that's what I find. 

    It's hard to help more without more context, so feel free to add more and people might think of more ideas for you. Communication issues is a big part of autism so you aren't alone in finding it difficult.

    Sometimes I try to phrase things as a question, so it's less of a blunt statement and invites the other person to respond. Being anxious, I tend to throw in lots of 'maybe' and 'perhaps', and 'possibly this could be an issues', without linking it directly to you if you are testing the ground and the people you are with to see what their response might be? Some people dislike anyone disagreeing with them, which makes it harder to say you might feel differently, so it's not always you either.

    Or if you get viewed as being difficult, it doesn't matter what you say, they always see you as hostile afterwards. You could try even just saying you'd like to have some input, but are unsure if it will be taken badly, and see if they then invite your input and hopefully won't be so negative towards you then? 

    I hope it helps a little, and as I said feel free to expand if you want more specific input and someone else might have different suggestions?

Children
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