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Why did he stop talking to me after not respecting my boundaries? Or is he being reasonable?

Anon102

I am 30 and high functioning autistic with a mild learning disability. I met a guy online and he told me we should meet up at a motel to have sex. We were planning on casually hooking up. I said no I want to meet up in your car at first. Then I also said I can’t go to the motel because my parents still track my location to keep me safe. I am still living with my parents that’s why. He kept saying why is your location being tracked and why can’t you go to the motel with me? You are an adult. I said I don’t feel comfortable yet and my location is being tracked and I don’t want my parents seeing I’m going to a motel. Then he said totally understandable then blocked me. I got to know him on an hookup app for a few weeks. It’s not like I didn’t know who he was at all. I am taking proper precautions. Anyone can have their location tracked. I don’t want to turn off my location and go against my parents because of this. Guys block me because of my location being tracked and them pushing me to go to a motel sometimes and say why can’t you you’re an adult. Why do they keep saying you are an adult you can meet me there! They say I’m an adult and can do whatever I want. Parents track their kids location for my cousins too and they aren’t autistic so it’s not unusual for a parent to track their kids location as an adult. Are my parents in the wrong my tracking my location? And does that make me “like a child”? Because I am not! I hope guys or anyone won’t think that. What do you think?

  • Theres a huge difference between a dating and a hook up site, hook ups are just for sex with no commitments and often with strangers, to me they don't sound that safe. Dating sites are where you hope to meet a partner for something more lasting.

    Were you happy to have your parents track your location before you met this guy? If you were, whats changed, and if not then that's a conversation you should be having with your parents. Do they track were you are all the time or just if you don't answer or something? THe difference is important, if they track you everytime you leave the house, then I'd say that borders on being wrong, if it's just for emergencies or potential emergencies then thats another thing altogether.

  • I haven’t experience of online dating or of dating apps, but I know that for safety reasons, most guidelines suggest meeting for at least the first time in a safe public space like a cafe, cinema or location where other people are within easy reach should you need help.

    Not everyone online is as nice as they first make out to be and unfortunately bad things can happen.

    My married friend uses a tracker for her husband (and he, her) and grown up children. It gives them reassurance because the family is spread over three countries, As Cinnabar_wing says, some people misuse trackers to control others, but most people use them for peace of mind.

  • Anon102 said:
    I said no I want to meet up in your car at first

    I suggest you meet first in a safe public place.

  • Hi Anon102,

    This isn't really an area I know much about, and maybe others will say different things. I don't think you should ever feel pressured for sex, that is the guys being unreasonable, especially if you want to meet them first to make sure you would feel comfortable. Meeting in a motel room is risky, in case you are pressured and can't back out. I don't think you always need to mention being tracked, that is a safety thing, and just saying you want to meet up first before should be enough for them, no matter the reason. 

    Perhaps it is a good discussion to have with your parents. I know it could be awkward to have the discussion that involves sex, but if you do want to meet up and have relationships, it might be safer if someone knows who you are meeting and where. You can then discuss any dangers (meeting up with people from apps), and also your desire to do adult things, but also discuss consent, that you know you can meet up and then say no if it doesn't feel right. 

    Tracking apps, they can be a form of control but they can also just be handy things to know where loved ones are without having to bother them with messages. Me and my husband location share, it's handy to know for things like getting dinner ready at the right time.