Tips for unmasking/finding the "real" me after diagnosis at 52

Hi Belnarlo 

I was diagnosed 4 years ago and am nearly 62.

well...

there are "versions" of me that appear in different circumstances and with different people - some one might consider to be more "authentic" than others.  I relied on scripting a lot in "pre-unmasking" days - jokes or stories or facts that I had in store...  I still do but not so much.  I was one of the sort of masking people who necessarily spent a lot of time using internal speech to chat with myself about what I was observing or experiencing and how I should change my behaviour to prevent the autism showing - in my case I subsumed a lot of this into analysing my posture and movements (I have a background in movement arts and sciences).

It is said that as one unmasks the energy that one previously put into running a separate stream of analysis mentally becomes released.  In truth as I started to unmask i found that i was much more aware of the chatter inside my head involved with masking -some of it no doubt because I was forced to consider that I was!  i think the underlying complexity may be linked with one's emotional state and perhaps some of the "demons" that have developed the years of doing one's best to fit in.  Personally I said some things that I immediately regretted when i dropped my mask - especially when being in or close to burnout.  It is difficult to track one's progress and observe changes - situations are often very complex.  Personally I lost contact with (or maybe never had) subtle or nuanced insight into my own emotions - maybe because i was putting a lot of energy into thinking about how other people were and how I should present myself...

  I think that trying on being you in low risk situations is a great start and for many people is where they end up too.  self monitoring is a weird thing - being oneself is a strange thing too - who else can one be? well we can spend a lot of time and effort being what we imagine other people are and trying to be like them which is really tough if fundamentally one is not.  And there is a lot of social pressure to do this - especially in work or other settings which have a lot of "unwritten" social rules...  As you asked for a tip i would suggest "interoception".  The aspect of using how one's body feels is perhaps a good way at working out whether one is happy or sad or anxious etc

best wishes

Phased

Hi Belnarlo 

I was diagnosed 4 years ago and am nearly 62.

well...

there are "versions" of me that appear in different circumstances and with different people - some one might consider to be more "authentic" than others.  I relied on scripting a lot in "pre-unmasking" days - jokes or stories or facts that I had in store...  I still do but not so much.  I was one of the sort of masking people who necessarily spent a lot of time using internal speech to chat with myself about what I was observing or experiencing and how I should change my behaviour to prevent the autism showing - in my case I subsumed a lot of this into analysing my posture and movements (I have a background in movement arts and sciences).

It is said that as one unmasks the energy that one previously put into running a separate stream of analysis mentally becomes released.  In truth as I started to unmask i found that i was much more aware of the chatter inside my head involved with masking -some of it no doubt because I was forced to consider that I was!  i think the underlying complexity may be linked with one's emotional state and perhaps some of the "demons" that have developed the years of doing one's best to fit in.  Personally I said some things that I immediately regretted when i dropped my mask - especially when being in or close to burnout.  It is difficult to track one's progress and observe changes - situations are often very complex.  Personally I lost contact with (or maybe never had) subtle or nuanced insight into my own emotions - maybe because i was putting a lot of energy into thinking about how other people were and how I should present myself...

  I think that trying on being you in low risk situations is a great start and for many people is where they end up too.  self monitoring is a weird thing - being oneself is a strange thing too - who else can one be? well we can spend a lot of time and effort being what we imagine other people are and trying to be like them which is really tough if fundamentally one is not.  And there is a lot of social pressure to do this - especially in work or other settings which have a lot of "unwritten" social rules...  As you asked for a tip i would suggest "interoception".  The aspect of using how one's body feels is perhaps a good way at working out whether one is happy or sad or anxious etc

best wishes

Phased