I am a 70-year-old autistic man. I received my autism diagnosis in December last year, although my wife first suggested that I might be autistic a couple of years ago. We have been married for ten years and have struggled with aspects of our relationship throughout that time.
Since receiving my diagnosis, I feel that things have become more difficult rather than easier. I am trying to understand whether what I am experiencing is a consequence of autism-related communication differences, whether I am being misunderstood, or whether there may be unhealthy dynamics in our relationship that I do not recognise.
My wife and I have recently agreed to live separately because communication has become such a problem. Neither of us wants the marriage to fail; we both hope that some distance may help us improve things.
One issue that has caused considerable distress concerns my wish to attend a support and social group for autistic adults without learning difficulties. I hoped it would help me meet people with similar experiences and better understand myself. However, my wife reacted very negatively and suggested that my real motivation was to meet other women. She felt that a married man should not want to socialise in a group that might include women.
As a result, I have begun to feel that I cannot comfortably meet new people unless they are already friends or family members. Recently, I became so distressed that I contacted the SHOUT text support service. However, when a helper responded, I found myself unable to continue because the helper was female and I was worried about how that might be perceived.
During the discussion about the autism group, I told my wife that I personally would not object if she wanted to meet socially with other people in a mixed group. Her reaction was one of shock and distress, and I felt as though she interpreted my comment as meaning that I wanted a complete separation, which was not my intention.
At present, I feel confused, isolated and very unhappy. It seems that I do not understand relationships in the same way that my wife does, and I am struggling to know what is reasonable and what is not. I would like guidance on how to navigate relationships as an autistic person diagnosed later in life.
Most of all, I want to be accepted and loved for who I am. At the moment I feel quite hopeless and reluctant to leave the house. I would appreciate any advice, support, or perspective that might help me better understand my situation and find a way forward.
