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29 F - Struggling with recent autism diagnosis and imposter syndrome

Hanz

This has been the hardest thing I've ever been through. I feel like I've gone through every emotion imaginable! 

I have very little motivation, especially to do any basic needs like cooking, etc. I'm also not excited by or enjoying any of my hobbies at the moment, like I want to play games or start LEGO or do a puzzle, but I feel so exhausted, and the feeling that I have nothing left to give, and the thought of starting these things feels impossible!

I get a full night's sleep, and I wake up feeling like I've never slept a day in my life. Getting through a day of work is incredibly hard. I'm pushing myself and masking myself to appear "normal" when I'm actually wanting to just curl up into a ball and hibernate!! 

All I want is to feel better, and I've been told the way to do that is to rest and recover, but this feels too alien to me. I feel like I should be physically doing something to be able to get better. I also feel like I've been resting for ages now and being kind to myself, but I don't feel like I've made much progress at all. I've had enough of this feeling and just don't know where to go next.

Any advice would be most appreciated? 

  • Hello.

    It sounds to me like you are burnt out. It is not pleasant, emotions can be dysregulated and getting a diagnosis while in this state is not easy. Particularly if you have unresolved things from your past.

    I went through the same thing. It is hard. 

    You may need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. A lot of pressure is internally generated. It is possible to over function because you're worried about fitting in and getting approval. You can most likely put some things off and push less hard without the sky falling in. Be kinder to yourself.

    Try to put things off at home that you can. Try to take pressure off eating, get ready meals, soup, whatever is easy and requires no thought. Just relax in your spare time, but don't feel guilty about doing nothing. You need time to think. You have had a shock to your identity, your past needs to be re-framed, you need to figure out who you are. You need to get sone capacity back so not everything requires souch effort. 

    Small changes will add up. It takes months though. As soon as you feel a bit better you will want to push again and fall backwards. So try to avoid that.

    You can get better, but it requires some changes. 

  • Dear Hanz,

    I am really sorry to hear that you are finding things so hard at the moment. It can be a difficult time after you have been diagnosed and it is important that you know that you are not alone in feeling this way. If you do need support at any point you can always reach out to your GP or other health professionals that may be involved. 

    I have put some links that may be worth taking a look at, but it may be best to do this at a time that you are feeling less exhausted:
    Autistic fatigue and burnout

    How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

    Formal support following an autism diagnosis

    Please reach out to the community, we are all here for you.

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod