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Finding it hard to Grieve

McG

Has anyone else felt like this?

Today is the 4th anniversary of my mums passing and for a long time I have been in complete denial.

I am currently is the middle stages of receiving an ASD diagnosis, first assessment being 3 weeks ago and the last in another 2 weeks.

Because if's such an important day, I feel like I am masking how I should be feeling.  I have not been formally diagnosed autistic yet, and I am finding it difficult to process my mum's anniversary, coupled with the fact I feel I have impostor syndrome, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am completely normal and being selfish and silly.

Bit of a random post but thanks for taking a look. 

Parents

  • Tomorrow I will be travelling north for my mum's funeral. She would have been 86 in a few weeks. I've not  shared how I'm really feeling because I think most people just wouldn't "get it"  and I think they'd probably think I'm weird at best and horrible at worst.

    I've lived a long way from my family since I was 20 (I'm 65 now) so they're not part of my every day life. Mum had Alzheimer's so I feel as though she's been gone for many years because she no longer knew who I was when I visited and in recent times her quality of life was zero.

    People have hugged me in response to my loss and I just feel that wasn't necessary because I don't feel particularly sad. Just relieved that she's at peace at last. I have been questioning if I'm a horrible uncaring daughter for not crying bucket loads of tears but I love my mum and I will miss her. Tomorrow I feel like I will have to look sad when (at the moment) I feel fairly indifferent. Losing my mum isn't the worst loss I've had. Losing my husband almost 11 years ago was. 

    Grieving is a very personal response and I realise that we can grieve very differently for different people. How much we loved them has little bearing on this. Also - just because there's a specific date involved (in your case the anniversary of your mum's passing) that doesn't mean we have to reserve that day for mourning and being sad. 

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  • Tomorrow I will be travelling north for my mum's funeral. She would have been 86 in a few weeks. I've not  shared how I'm really feeling because I think most people just wouldn't "get it"  and I think they'd probably think I'm weird at best and horrible at worst.

    I've lived a long way from my family since I was 20 (I'm 65 now) so they're not part of my every day life. Mum had Alzheimer's so I feel as though she's been gone for many years because she no longer knew who I was when I visited and in recent times her quality of life was zero.

    People have hugged me in response to my loss and I just feel that wasn't necessary because I don't feel particularly sad. Just relieved that she's at peace at last. I have been questioning if I'm a horrible uncaring daughter for not crying bucket loads of tears but I love my mum and I will miss her. Tomorrow I feel like I will have to look sad when (at the moment) I feel fairly indifferent. Losing my mum isn't the worst loss I've had. Losing my husband almost 11 years ago was. 

    Grieving is a very personal response and I realise that we can grieve very differently for different people. How much we loved them has little bearing on this. Also - just because there's a specific date involved (in your case the anniversary of your mum's passing) that doesn't mean we have to reserve that day for mourning and being sad. 

Children
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