My adult child has an autism 1 diagnosis. They struggled considerably during childhood and the diagnosis enabled me to fight for educational adjustments and thanks to this and my child’s amazing ability and tenacity they have done very well.
I am also autistic, late diagnosed, which helps me I think have more insight although of course everyone is different. But in my current situation my insight is failing me which is why I am hoping someone here can help me both understand better and find the most appropriate way to communicate, so long as doing so causes no harm.
My child estranged from me a number of years ago during a difficult period when I was critically ill. It must have been hard for them to not know if I would survive. They are extremely angry with me for allowing an autism diagnosis to take place during childhood and accuse me of fabricating their needs. They feel that their autistic traits are a result of the childhood trauma of receiving an autism diagnosis, for which I am responsible. No concern was expressed at all about my critical illness, which I accept as I understand that when in emotional pain it’s hard to see the pain in others.
I respect my child’s view but am having difficulty letting go as sadly the love bond is too strong. The years are passing and my grief is not resolving, even with therapy help.
When I read up on ideas on how to try to reconnect from estrangement, what I am seeing does not seem to address where neurodiversity is in the mix. I am autistic and my child may or may not be as their diagnosis may be wrong as they believe, but assuming they have ASD traits l would really appreciate ideas on how best to reach out in an autistic-friendly non confrontational manner.
Please, please, please be kind in any comments even if you think I am wrong or bad. Other than allowing the autism assessment to take place and fighting for school adjustments I have never abused my child in any way. I had no idea that allowing an autism diagnosis was abuse until my child explained this to me. I also recognise that I am far from perfect, struggle with poor self esteem and anxiety and these things may have affected my abilities as a mom, but I loved with all my heart and did the best I could.
Has anyone ever been able to forgive a parent for allowing an assessment they later disagreed with?
