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Friends and Autism

JoshF

This is me Venting a little so sorry about that. 
My name is Josh I’m a 22 year old adult who has autism who has struggled with friends and groups at times. I was diagnosed with autism when I was around 10. I feel like people notice things about me and a notice that I’m different in some way or another. I’ve found since coming back to university that some people don’t accept the fact that I’m different or are willing to put in more effort for others who aren’t different. I’ve found it hard to find prolonged friendships due to not liking the same environment as others as I don’t enjoy clubbing and so on. I was wondering if others have advice? 

  • Hi! That sounds difficult and it’s super unfair. I can relate- I also don’t enjoy clubbing and I don’t do it- at uni I managed to join a single time and I didn’t even last 30 minutes and my ears hurt the next day and that was the first and last time. I also don’t drink. I was lucky that I found like-minded people at uni that I could be more myself with (I think my uni had a particularly high porportion of neurodivergent people or other aliens - I like the term alien- I’m an alien too.). I also don’t really do well with any group socialising and avoid it. Maybe there are some likeminded people at your university as well that you just haven’t met yet? The challenge is to find them… I’m wondering if maybe there are any societies on something you like and whether you might be able to meet some like-minded people there? (I know that’s not ideal as it may involve groups) I was very lucky that I came accross some people I connected to in my lectures or through going to scientific talks and making friends with them was effortless (which was a huge surprise to me as I had no friends at secondary school). I find it really unfair that those other people don’t treat you in the same way because they sense there are some differences. I think it’s not right that you should be the one that keeps having to adapt and mask to try to fit in- I hope you can find some people you can be yourself with. 

  • I think that, as the majority of people are allistic, trying to accommodate what the majority expect is the only realistic way to make and keep friends, It is not ideal, but the world is not ideal. The trick is to balance what others seem like with what you can stand.