I received my diagnosis two years ago age 54. Just before that, my adult daughter had cut contact with me. We'd always had a good relationship but when her dad left, I was suddenly in massively stressful circumstances including having to repatriate with them. The divorce lasted years and that, difficult living conditions and no support from family or friends, took a huge toll.
During those years I didn't know I was autistic (dual diagnosis autism and ADHD), had no idea about autism let alone about the need to regulate. My daughter (also ADHD but not autistic) became like a different person when she hit teenage years and I was in constant overwhelm. It was a recipe for disaster and there were many arguments. Looking back now, of course I can understand how we were both struggling.
My reason for the post is because I've been stuck in my life ever since. Feeling shame and grief at the same time - shame for what happened and shame that I have a daughter who is estranged from me. I can't seem to move on. I've had counselling and understand why it all happened logically, but the feelings of shame and grief persist. I'm in a fog all the time, have no motivation to do anything and am very depressed, which I'm on medication for.
There's not a possibility of contact so that's not the advice I need, and even if there was, at this moment nothing is guaranteed. The help I badly need and the reason for posting is that I'm stuck in my life. Has anyone been through a similar experience and how did you live again? How did you move forward?
