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I feel like the world is ending

Jakey

I'm really struggling at the moment. Going through another lot of autistic burnout. It's negatively impacting my mood and leading me to suicidal thoughts and depression.

My home situation isn't being addressed by the people responsible for it despite asking multiple times. I've been ignored, every, single, [removed by mod], time. The NHS won't provide funding for better equipment and comfort for my situation, one involving gastrointestinal issues. And my sensory issues are treated like a joke. Almost as though they think I'm faking it. I almost had ear drums popped earlier from car tyres that make that really consistent bumping sound. On top of that the current political situations really bother me where it feels like anyone I know that doesn't support the right party is going to kill me. [removed by mod]

I feel like a worthless human being with nothing good to show for myself. Waste of space and talentless. I can't find comfort anyway. It's hard to stay happy. My life is just being ruined. I wouldn't need to ask for help if my local council could help me find/build a small house for me to live in on my own, and Universal Credit/Disability needs to pay me more to address the problems the NHS won't so I can better meet my needs. I feel a lot of despair and grief. 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    It's not depression, it's autistic burnout. Learnt that the hard way with the amount of treatments I've had. Therapy, 5 different types of medication and still not helping, in fact making things worse because I turn out so depressed from taking the meds.

    All I want from the economy is a place where I can be alone away from noise issues, preferably in a beautiful part of the UK, or Scotland. And not have to worry about paying bills... or at least the ones I have to cover, thanks to a complicated and pointless support system and universal credit. 

  • in reply to Jakey

    I think when depressed it's so hard to find the joy in anything, so I don't blame you. Is it alright if I ask if you are being treated for depression, and if that's helping at all? I mean it's difficult to be taken seriously sometimes, but it's sad when the system to support is so fall of holes (the chronic under funding doesn't help), and then you have parties coming in saying they don't believe in it and want to slash support further. Wouldn't it be nice to have a magic wand to wave and fix it all. To design systems that work, the world is very spiky, but you can dream of what it could look like. 

    Sometimes the greatest strength though is just holding still, even with the hurricanes roaring, to be able to just keep going despite it all. If just being was a marathon, a lot of people here would win medals.

    I am trying to get better at some things myself, but changing is hard. I like listening to podcasts, it helps with hearing people talking of things that aren't terrible, and gives a truer sense of the world, that there is life outside of the bad times. Even if you can't find joy, doing one small thing to help is worth it.

    You aren't alone with it.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    I can't really override it. It doesn't work. Whatever this feeling of despair and suicidal thoughts are, they override free will. 

    I know the news is tough, that's partially why I'm depressed. UK politics are absolutely out of control and idiots buy what other idiots say. Then the only hope we have is suddenly the devil to them. Exactly the kind of crap that dooms us to repeat history. I don't find much joy in things anymore. Aside from some nice landscapes and good TV, there isn't anything else. I find it hard to listen to music as well.  

    Not really anything I want to talk about.

  • I'm sorry it's really hard for you at the moment, I don't have anything more to help, than hang on and don't let the systems that are letting you down win. Keep shouting at them, and like Hergé, scream into the void when you need to. Reaching out is hard, and if you don't feel heard, that can make it harder the next time. 

    The news is so hard at the moment, and everything is so charged. I keep reading the BBC news site, but it's really depressing at the state of the world. I can't comprehend people not being kind to each, and it's all so negative. I do like looking at the pictures people send in of around Scotland, it's a little bit of joy amongst the sadness.

    Defying the sadness is hard, but you have worth, and I'm glad you could at the very least tell us about how hard it is. It is a really hard thing to do. It's obvious you've been doing it a while, it can be wearing but it's a good thing to do.

    Would you like to talk about anything that could cheer you? I do love your sylveon pic. Though I appreciate if you don't want to. 

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    I can't. It won't help. It has never helped. Unless they suddenly got the ability to change my living situation specifically and promise not to cut welfare, then there is nothing they can do. 

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    I didn't really think that taking about E.L.E (extinction level event) would trigger such a response. Lesson learnt. My feelings for such things have been parked/partitioned/dealt with (in part) due to current and growing responsibilities. Anyway I'm way too stubborn to let it win.

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    I've done it all before, nothing changed. 

  • in reply to Jakey

    Please try or talk to someone you trust about it 

    Please get help - I've felt this way and I am now thankful I reached out and got the help I did

  • in reply to Hergé
    Hergé said:
    The mods messaged me

    That's good they messaged you Slight smile

  • Life can be really trying and mine currently is really pushing me into a fairly dark place. It often feels that aspects of the health service either don't work or just don't communicate clearly or even at all.

    I was on the Mind side by side website and I made a comment in their community bit about how I feel. I said that I no longer feel like a camel waiting for that random bit of straw, I now feel like a dinosaur in the late Cretaceous period seeing an ever growing light in the sky and knowing exactly what is about to happen. The mods messaged me see if I was planning to end it all, I suppose that's a comfort in a way.

    If I ever getting to that point I know I have to reach out, just venting can be enough, it's like screaming into the void. If that fails I find someone to talk to. 

    Take care.

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    They can *** off. Never helped me in the past. They just read a script and do nothing. 

  • https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/mental-health/suicide

    Please take a look at the link above. Please reach out to emergency services. You are not alone there are people out there that need you and love and care for you