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Could I be neurodivergent?

LynnG

Hello all. I hope this is ok to post, I’m 47, female and at a point that I’m really trying to figure myself out properly. I’ve been looking into neurodivergence but have been put off my family members discounting it as “fashionable”. I’ve typed a (very long!) list of traits and wondered what you think? Does any of this resonate? Any advice would be appreciated.

  • Hyper focus on one thing and can’t rest until achieved, impatience, like an itch
  • Procrastination on big tasks
  • Very difficult to relax, brain on fire / fizzing
  • Research everything in huge detail
  • Detail focussed to the point of obsessive
  • Always tired. Have always fallen asleep in the afternoon since very young age, often on floor
  • High achiever at school
  • Often found myself sitting alone at school
  • Failed at uni, hated my time there, struggled to fit in, or to focus. Very few friends and even they didn’t become close
  • Tricky to make friends, very selective, hard work, tough at school/uni/work
  • Always called aloof or resting *** face
  • Cannot cope with fiction/imagination/visualisation
  • Never been a bridesmaid
  • Hide in bed, always have done, always exhausted, since very young/ afternoon naps
  • Untrusting of what people say to me, looking for nuance on what lies behind
  • Told that I “have to learn to take a joke”
  • “Lacks focus and direction”
  • Anxiety and depression diagnosed 2000 but was it really that?!
  • Addiction / teetotal since 2016
  • Dopamine seeking, impulse buys, snacking, scrolling
  • Feeling lost, haven’t found who I am but working on it now
  • Can’t concentrate on playing with kids /books etc have to be doing more than one thing
  • Rejection sensitive to the extreme
  • Like to stick to rules and get upset when others don’t, like queuing etc
  • Low self esteem
  • Horribly sensitive to loud noises, social settings, crowds, overwhelm
  • Can’t cope with people talking in class (either at school or as mature student)
  • Worry what others think of me constantly and adjust behaviour to suit
  • Converse with humour and charm to cover being shy/anxious - masking?
  • I appear very confident and outgoing
  • Can’t cope with changes in plans/christmas!
  • Emotional meltdown over seemingly small things
  • Repeat conversations over and over when alone, out loud or in head
  • Plan conversations, repeat out loud over and over
  • Not hyperactive at all
  • Don’t want anyone in my home - find this incredibly stressful
  • Perfectionism and perceived judgement if I’m not perfect
  • Blame myself for everything
  • Brain feels actually fizzing until I write something down, tick a box, achieve a task.
  • Used to cry constantly as a child, looked miserable in photos, became a family joke that I was grumpy
  • Felt choked up, like I couldn’t talk as a young child
  • Excitement from maths, countdown! New maths books
  • Capital cities and airport codes, almost thrilling
  • Would rather deep conversations than small talk.
  • Prefer one on one conversation to group
  • “Grumpy Bear” my childhood toy - given to me because I was always crying / grumpy - pigeon holed
  • I hate people making assumptions about me without even getting to know me
  • in reply to Martin

    Wholeheartedly agree about it not being a fashion but this is what I’m up against,’especially when a formal diagnosis may require the same family members involvement. Thank you for your kind reply 

  • It depends on which neurodivergency you mean as it's an umbrella term for quite a lot of conditions.

    If you are talking about autism, I'd start by looking at the diagnostic criteria and see if you fit and as others have said, the tests available, rather than a long list of your own characteristics that might, or might not, fit into one or another condition.

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/assessment-and-diagnosis/criteria-and-tools-used-in-an-autism-assessment

    All the best.

  • Hello.

    This would seem consistent with having ASD, but only a clinician can diagnose officially through a formal assessment.

    If you wanted to get more of a feel, you may like to do some of the questionnaires. The AQ50 is the main autism screening test (50 questions). Personally, I think struggling with the questionaires and overthinking them is enough on its own, but that's an aside.

    A good single place to look for them as they are all collected together is the embrace-autism.com website. They also give info on the scores and an indication of how reliable they are.

    Note, the questionaires don't prove anything, but they can have high correlation.

  • in reply to Martin
    Martin said:
    but the RAADS-R seems to be more definitive

    Recent research - involving NHS autism assessments - has thrown doubt on its validity:

    "the RAADS-R was not able to differentiate between service users who receive an ASD diagnosis after full assessment and those who do not.

    When used as a self-report tool, the RAADS-R had no clinical value."

    The Effectiveness of RAADS-R as a Screening Tool for Adult ASD Populations

  • There is nothing 'fashionable' about neurodivergence. Mere fashion does not make people wade through the obstacle course and ridiculous waiting times that is the NHS route to diagnosis, nor pay the very considerable sums of money needed for a private assessment. A real need to find answers to lifelong issues is what drives people to seek a diagnosis.

    My advice would be to take some online autism tests. AQ10 and AQ50 (sometimes called just 'AQ') are the most commonly used by clinicians in this country, but the RAADS-R seems to be more definitive. They can be found here:  https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/
    If you score in the autism range it will give you more certainty about following up on a diagnosis.

  • Hi  and thanks for posting. Welcome to our community. Each neurodivergent person is unique but much of that long list resonates with me (I am autistic and ADHD) and your research on the topic is perhaps another marker in itself. My recommendation is not to be put off by family members but continue researching and doing any of the established tests you can find. I found Embrace Autism to be a good source for resources and tests. Of course the National Autistic Society is excellent too, so have a good look around their site and the threads on here. Pursuing diagnosis via your GP is a personal choice, and some people prefer to self-identify. Good luck and do keep posting and asking questions.

  • HI Lynn, and welcome to the online community!  I am sure you will find a lot of friendly and helpful people here.

    While waiting for others to share their thoughts, you may like to have a look at our About Autism page which gives a lot of information on many core characteristics of autism.  More information can also be found on that here.

    I hope you find these links helpful!