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End of relationship - Life rebuild in progress?

Vera

Hello everyone, 
I'm Vera, 42 years old, autistic, cptsd, anxiety, German national living in the UK. Northwest to be precise. I like planes, I work in the IT/QA consultant from my home office, I have a GSD dog called Lucky. 

I've been in a relationship for the past 12 years. My partner went to visit his family for a longer period of time and all of sudden 4 days ago he just sent me a WhatsApp he doesn't want to live with me anymore, he's not coming back to the UK and if then he will live somewhere else. 

No explanation, no call, no nothing ... Just a punch in the gut. Emotional execution for me. I am too much attached to him, my life was build on routines around him and my day to day life. 
But I am going with no contact now, removing any triggers and all of it. Trying to rebuild myself and heal. 

We do not have children, I do not have any friends or family near. (my mom is coming on the 2nd May to stay with me for a while). 
It's hard for me, extremely hard. I will push through eventually. 

I was wondering if I could someone build any friendships with people who won't expect constant contact or just be happy with coexist without socialising in the public a lot and just kind of enjoy each others company, share hobbies and such. 

It feels ... I don't know, I'm 42 now and it's harder than ever. 

Parents

  • First, I'm really sorry for what happened.

    Several times in my life I've been through severe and sudden changes and what helped me remember of who I was were short note diaries and my dogs. I don't do notes anymore, but I got dogs. I never thought of it previously, but you put it very well into words: it's basic rules. And more detail can be added as time goes. Dogs do indeed help me pull through. They're also the closest to 'a friend' I've got (as I'm not a local either, so no common grounds in culture/subcultures, same school/uni/classes, no observation of local social interactions (and inability to learn from that!) to even attempt building friendships (plus, a non-verbal, divergent 4 1/2 years old kid means not many chances for social interactions due to eloping or meltdowns)), so dogs, essentially, and are a very important part of my family (and life).

    It'll get built around it. With time. 

Reply

  • First, I'm really sorry for what happened.

    Several times in my life I've been through severe and sudden changes and what helped me remember of who I was were short note diaries and my dogs. I don't do notes anymore, but I got dogs. I never thought of it previously, but you put it very well into words: it's basic rules. And more detail can be added as time goes. Dogs do indeed help me pull through. They're also the closest to 'a friend' I've got (as I'm not a local either, so no common grounds in culture/subcultures, same school/uni/classes, no observation of local social interactions (and inability to learn from that!) to even attempt building friendships (plus, a non-verbal, divergent 4 1/2 years old kid means not many chances for social interactions due to eloping or meltdowns)), so dogs, essentially, and are a very important part of my family (and life).

    It'll get built around it. With time. 

Children
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