vulnerability and sexuality in schools

Hi Longman,

 You are quite right, this subject is seldom tackled and I appreciate the original thread which brought this question about.

To be honest, speaking as a woman on the spectrum, I believe vulnerability isn't just confined to School situations or peer pressure and much more information needs to be made available to parents, to help in supporting their children and to those growing up with the condition, irrespective of their gender.

It's clear that those on the spectrum exude vulnerability. Invariably as youngsters and teens, they are inately trusting of others and often naive, and bullies; either as adults or peers, seem to hone in on this. One look at the media coverage spells this out very clearly. 

Without going into too much detail, i am probably considered a classic example of a woman on the spectrum who has fallen foul of bullies/preditors both as a child and an adult. Had I, my parents or the School been more aware, perhaps i'd have been spared my harrowing ordeals.

On reflection, the catalogue of my dreadful experiences has most definately affected the way i now look, dress etc. That defence mechanism you mention.

As a small 6 year old child however, i didnt court the idea of wanting to 'fit in', I was merely targeted by a preditor! I trusted an adult, who harmed me.

As a Secondary School child we had a strict dress code so one was compelled to look decent and presentable at all times, (however, I hid myself away in a gally kitchen, as a self appointed tea girl to the staff, thus avoiding contact with my peers.) The needing to appear inobvious, unnoticeable, being able to hide or stay out of sight that you mention. Yet avoiding the gaze and bullying of my peers invariably brought me in greater contact with adults, which was much more dangerous as a young teen. I was later seriously assaulted by my Saturday job, employer (Age 14) and then raped the following year by a family friend. (Age 15)

I never saw it coming on either ocassion!

In the adult working world the same is often demanded by way of appearance and you bend and conform to what society expects and you hope that when you close the door behind you at the end of a working day, that you are safe to be yourself and safe from harms way. Lets just say, that too, has not been my experience.

As an older adult I have neglected myself, but it's come as a result of a lifetime of abuse and trauma. Were all my experiences as a result of wanting to fit in? Probably not..

I wanted to work, like everyone else, but I didn't actively court the sexual attention of my boss or the family friend in an effort to 'fit in'.

I definately relished exclusion from my peers because of taunting, but 50 years on, i now realize it was the adults i needed to be further away from.

Vulnerability, takes many forms. In the same way as preditors and bullies.

Preditors and bullies mascarade as peers, uniformed pillars of society, businessmen, friends and family members.

Speaking from my own experience, being vulnerable however, is not always as a result of wanting to 'fit in.' It's often as much about wanting to be left alone or trying not to be noticed. A lone teen, child or adult is easy prey to those who wish to cause harm...

Perhaps if this issue is looked at as well, then maybe others could be spared the trauma and heartache I endured.

'Keeping safe' should be a key skill taught to all on the spectrum.

Coogybear.

Hi Longman,

 You are quite right, this subject is seldom tackled and I appreciate the original thread which brought this question about.

To be honest, speaking as a woman on the spectrum, I believe vulnerability isn't just confined to School situations or peer pressure and much more information needs to be made available to parents, to help in supporting their children and to those growing up with the condition, irrespective of their gender.

It's clear that those on the spectrum exude vulnerability. Invariably as youngsters and teens, they are inately trusting of others and often naive, and bullies; either as adults or peers, seem to hone in on this. One look at the media coverage spells this out very clearly. 

Without going into too much detail, i am probably considered a classic example of a woman on the spectrum who has fallen foul of bullies/preditors both as a child and an adult. Had I, my parents or the School been more aware, perhaps i'd have been spared my harrowing ordeals.

On reflection, the catalogue of my dreadful experiences has most definately affected the way i now look, dress etc. That defence mechanism you mention.

As a small 6 year old child however, i didnt court the idea of wanting to 'fit in', I was merely targeted by a preditor! I trusted an adult, who harmed me.

As a Secondary School child we had a strict dress code so one was compelled to look decent and presentable at all times, (however, I hid myself away in a gally kitchen, as a self appointed tea girl to the staff, thus avoiding contact with my peers.) The needing to appear inobvious, unnoticeable, being able to hide or stay out of sight that you mention. Yet avoiding the gaze and bullying of my peers invariably brought me in greater contact with adults, which was much more dangerous as a young teen. I was later seriously assaulted by my Saturday job, employer (Age 14) and then raped the following year by a family friend. (Age 15)

I never saw it coming on either ocassion!

In the adult working world the same is often demanded by way of appearance and you bend and conform to what society expects and you hope that when you close the door behind you at the end of a working day, that you are safe to be yourself and safe from harms way. Lets just say, that too, has not been my experience.

As an older adult I have neglected myself, but it's come as a result of a lifetime of abuse and trauma. Were all my experiences as a result of wanting to fit in? Probably not..

I wanted to work, like everyone else, but I didn't actively court the sexual attention of my boss or the family friend in an effort to 'fit in'.

I definately relished exclusion from my peers because of taunting, but 50 years on, i now realize it was the adults i needed to be further away from.

Vulnerability, takes many forms. In the same way as preditors and bullies.

Preditors and bullies mascarade as peers, uniformed pillars of society, businessmen, friends and family members.

Speaking from my own experience, being vulnerable however, is not always as a result of wanting to 'fit in.' It's often as much about wanting to be left alone or trying not to be noticed. A lone teen, child or adult is easy prey to those who wish to cause harm...

Perhaps if this issue is looked at as well, then maybe others could be spared the trauma and heartache I endured.

'Keeping safe' should be a key skill taught to all on the spectrum.

Coogybear.