Not sure how to move forward post diagnosis.

Hi I'm not diagnosed. It's being 2 years that I know about autism,  I've been exploring this topic and now it's possible,  that im on my way to be diagnosed.  My therapist told me he has no other idea what else could that be. But the final word has not been said yet. I went through grief of my lost youth, anger, how my life could have been if my mom didn't keep me away from getting help. There were massive problems,  including meltdowns,  I'm sure, any other caring parent would have done something about it. The thing that helped me accept tge situation is the fact, that 

1. Getting diagnosed 20+ years ago didn't mean, I would actually get help. Maybe my mom just saved me from being locked in a mental ward and fed awful meds. I red an article about autistic children (people more or less my age) that were put under cruel "therapies" that caused them life long PTSD. I'm lucky I wasn't there.

2. The awareness about autism back then was much lower. So there is a high possibility, that I would be misdiagnosed (and I was as a young adult)

3. I'm happy and lucky that I know now or have the suspicion.  There are still many people who suffer and have no idea why. 

My life was hard, but I can't change the past. I try to concentrate on working for better future. 

Sorry uf my post is annoying. I know that it's not that easy to get over these feelings. I wish you best and hope you find support here. What makes me angry currently are lies and gaslighting from my mom. But there is nothing I can do about it, just get immune to that.

Your post isn't at all annoying. I thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so grateful for all responses as it's helping me process things and feel less alone as I haven't disclosed my diagnosis to anyone yet so I'm feeling very alone hiding all these thoughts and feelings inside. 

I feel when I repeatedly said I was struggling when I was younger I was dismissed a lot by family so feel I was held back from getting help when I really needed it. I feel that came mainly from my parents just not knowing better/not knowing how to handle it and prefering to bury the problem rather than deal with it because they didn't know how. I have compassion for that aspect.

My anger at not having it recognised sooner lies with medical professionals, so I feel let down by people who should be trained to notice these things in my opinion. I'm glad to hear that your therapist recognises it. I told more than one therapist repeatedly, in recent years, all the traits that I told my assessor and my assessor confirmed a diagnosis before even taking it to panel as she was so convinced I fit all categories. It makes me frustrated at the money and years I wasted trusting professionals and I strongly believe that its concerning that counsellors and therapists don't seem trained in autism from what I can tell. I was told by my therapist that it wasn't a factor in anything and I was made to feel that it was unimportant and was labelled as other things instead. I feel it was very important as an accurate diagnosis of my experience. I feel better training of mental health professionals is required and wish I could do something about that. Anyway, that's my rant over. 

I will find a way through this but I think I just need time. I'm finding everyone's responses really supportive and helpful. so thank you for sharing. 

Your post isn't at all annoying. I thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so grateful for all responses as it's helping me process things and feel less alone as I haven't disclosed my diagnosis to anyone yet so I'm feeling very alone hiding all these thoughts and feelings inside. 

I feel when I repeatedly said I was struggling when I was younger I was dismissed a lot by family so feel I was held back from getting help when I really needed it. I feel that came mainly from my parents just not knowing better/not knowing how to handle it and prefering to bury the problem rather than deal with it because they didn't know how. I have compassion for that aspect.

My anger at not having it recognised sooner lies with medical professionals, so I feel let down by people who should be trained to notice these things in my opinion. I'm glad to hear that your therapist recognises it. I told more than one therapist repeatedly, in recent years, all the traits that I told my assessor and my assessor confirmed a diagnosis before even taking it to panel as she was so convinced I fit all categories. It makes me frustrated at the money and years I wasted trusting professionals and I strongly believe that its concerning that counsellors and therapists don't seem trained in autism from what I can tell. I was told by my therapist that it wasn't a factor in anything and I was made to feel that it was unimportant and was labelled as other things instead. I feel it was very important as an accurate diagnosis of my experience. I feel better training of mental health professionals is required and wish I could do something about that. Anyway, that's my rant over. 

I will find a way through this but I think I just need time. I'm finding everyone's responses really supportive and helpful. so thank you for sharing. 

I wish you well with your assessment process. Hopefully you'll get answers soon and is helpful to you. 

Your English is great. 

I relate to a lot of what you described! The family burying the problem instead of helping, the professionals who had no idea how to deal with it. The misdiagnosis, false treatment... I was diagnosed depression,  tourette,  there was suspicion of epilepsy,  all kind of stuff. Age 36 - suspicion of autism. If everything goes well, I should have the final answer till the end of this year. If it's not autism,  then I expect the assessor to tell me, what instead. 

I'm not living in UK not USA, English is not my first language. In western countries the awareness is higher, than in my country.  If I haven't migrated, most probably I would still sit alone and wonder, why I'm inferior to others and can't manage my life.