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Social exclusion

Jules62

Im a 63 year old, high functioning lady with audhd. I was a member of a local amateur drama group for over 20 years on and off. There a young man there who is treasurer, actor, lights, sound, tech, committee etc. I had call to go to his house and noticed a costume belonging to me that I had thought taken by another group when we had joint storage. So I was surprised to see it and said I would love to get it back. I messaged the theatre group who then had it and they were fine and said yes of course just take it. 
I was then told by this man that I had upset him as he had a good liaison between the two groups and I had created friction. I apologised and said they had seem fine. 
a little later I lent this group a costume and they kept it without return saying they had originally paid for this 18 years ago but in fact I had given the cash to the treasurer at the time so it belonged to me. They agreed to give it back. I then received an email saying I had upset this man and was now barred from membership!! I went into meltdown and was emotionally traumatised by it all.i tried contacting man but he hung up and then blocked me on all social media. 
A year on and he appeared doing lights at the theatre I am now at and happy at, I tried to speak to him but he just blanked me. 
I was happy to try and resolve the matter but he refuses as he says Im just a mental ***! It's been very upsetting as all my other theatre friends love and support me... is it legal to exclude someone with autism without making an attempt at reasonable adjustments? 

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  • Jules62 said:
    is it legal to exclude someone with autism without making an attempt at reasonable adjustments? 

    It sounds like you are having problems with an individual who you have had a disagreement with which has led to you being labelled as a troublemaker. It is not fair for us to take a side in this arguement as we only have one side of the story, however you are asking about the law in this context.

    We cannot offer legal advice, only our understanding of the law so I would say that in my opinion this sounds like the individual has refused to engage on discussions with you because of previous problematic interactions with you where your actions have caused him issues.

    I would think that this is not covered under the law covering "reasonable adjustments" as it is based on his experience of your behaviour and he may simply be reserving his right not to engage in discussion with you due to this. 

    You probably have no recourse in this situation legally and no real way to convince him otherwise - which sucks, but it is a life experience that many of us (NT and ND) have from time to time

    For the law to be applicable here you would need to establish that he is discriminating against you on the basis of your autism, but is seems to be that from what you describe it has been your actions had caused upset to him - and establishing the difference between your actions and your characteristics (causing the actions) would be such a grey area that I don't think any solicitor would take it on as a no-win-no-fee basis.

    Jules62 said:
    I was happy to try and resolve the matter but he refuses as he says Im just a mental ***!

    You may have some grounds or slander here if you can produce witnesses to this effect. Would the witnesses be willing to get involved?

    At the end of the day he is on the inside and has control while you are on the outside with little chance of changing his mind. The only realistic ways forward I can think of are 

    1 - apologising and trying to repair the relationship. You will have to suck up the upset to yourself here.

    2 - move to a different amateur group and hope they are not friend of this guy.

    I realise this may not be what you want to hear. The world is a pretty unfair place and my advice is aimed at being practical rather than to make you feel  better - I thought this would be more useful that platitudes.

Reply
  • Jules62 said:
    is it legal to exclude someone with autism without making an attempt at reasonable adjustments? 

    It sounds like you are having problems with an individual who you have had a disagreement with which has led to you being labelled as a troublemaker. It is not fair for us to take a side in this arguement as we only have one side of the story, however you are asking about the law in this context.

    We cannot offer legal advice, only our understanding of the law so I would say that in my opinion this sounds like the individual has refused to engage on discussions with you because of previous problematic interactions with you where your actions have caused him issues.

    I would think that this is not covered under the law covering "reasonable adjustments" as it is based on his experience of your behaviour and he may simply be reserving his right not to engage in discussion with you due to this. 

    You probably have no recourse in this situation legally and no real way to convince him otherwise - which sucks, but it is a life experience that many of us (NT and ND) have from time to time

    For the law to be applicable here you would need to establish that he is discriminating against you on the basis of your autism, but is seems to be that from what you describe it has been your actions had caused upset to him - and establishing the difference between your actions and your characteristics (causing the actions) would be such a grey area that I don't think any solicitor would take it on as a no-win-no-fee basis.

    Jules62 said:
    I was happy to try and resolve the matter but he refuses as he says Im just a mental ***!

    You may have some grounds or slander here if you can produce witnesses to this effect. Would the witnesses be willing to get involved?

    At the end of the day he is on the inside and has control while you are on the outside with little chance of changing his mind. The only realistic ways forward I can think of are 

    1 - apologising and trying to repair the relationship. You will have to suck up the upset to yourself here.

    2 - move to a different amateur group and hope they are not friend of this guy.

    I realise this may not be what you want to hear. The world is a pretty unfair place and my advice is aimed at being practical rather than to make you feel  better - I thought this would be more useful that platitudes.

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