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Help with my autistic partner

maisiemoo66

Please can you guys help as I don’t know what to do. My partner is autistic and we’ve been together a few months. It’s been so great, with the occasional upset here and there like any relationship. Mainly silly misunderstandings. But we had an uber big misunderstanding recently where I was ill and he wasn’t remotely sympathetic and I got upset, we rowed over something silly and we didn’t talk for a week. I was so ill even at the hospital at one point and I was stubborn, didn’t tell him as he wasn’t interested in my head. Came to my senses and messaged him and he said he assumed we were over. 
I’ve tried and tried to talk, he says he’s too emotional and overwhelmed and wouldn’t know what to say. I have probably been a bit panicky in my messages. So I’ve backed off. But I’m finding this limbo really hard to take as I want things to be ok. 
what on earth do I do?  I’m respecting his need for space but it’s hard as o don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t want to lose him. 

Parents

  • I hope that clear communication and setting your expectations will help. My husband used to repeat it to me: when the child cries, hug her. Now I do it automatically,  although it does not come naturally. I'm terrible at comforting someone sad, but I'm always willing to help, if I know how.

    It happens to me quite often to misinterpret my husbands expressions and I ask him if he is angry. Then when he tells me, that he is not, but feeling sick instead,  I make him a ginger tea and ask him to go to bed. It's a bit different,  because I'm female, but I just do what I know will help.

    The problem is interactions and parenting. I can interact only with one person at a time. I can listen a captivating story of my husbands family demolishing their 90 year old house, in order to build new one on the plot. But if it's me + 2 people,  it's crowd already. Doesn't matter if they are acquitances or closest beloved family members. So I'm terribly sorry, and feel guilty and like a failure, but I mostly stay isolated, separately from them both. In extreme cases going for walk with them both ended with me banging my head off of a closet door. 

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  • I hope that clear communication and setting your expectations will help. My husband used to repeat it to me: when the child cries, hug her. Now I do it automatically,  although it does not come naturally. I'm terrible at comforting someone sad, but I'm always willing to help, if I know how.

    It happens to me quite often to misinterpret my husbands expressions and I ask him if he is angry. Then when he tells me, that he is not, but feeling sick instead,  I make him a ginger tea and ask him to go to bed. It's a bit different,  because I'm female, but I just do what I know will help.

    The problem is interactions and parenting. I can interact only with one person at a time. I can listen a captivating story of my husbands family demolishing their 90 year old house, in order to build new one on the plot. But if it's me + 2 people,  it's crowd already. Doesn't matter if they are acquitances or closest beloved family members. So I'm terribly sorry, and feel guilty and like a failure, but I mostly stay isolated, separately from them both. In extreme cases going for walk with them both ended with me banging my head off of a closet door. 

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