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Help with my autistic partner

maisiemoo66

Please can you guys help as I don’t know what to do. My partner is autistic and we’ve been together a few months. It’s been so great, with the occasional upset here and there like any relationship. Mainly silly misunderstandings. But we had an uber big misunderstanding recently where I was ill and he wasn’t remotely sympathetic and I got upset, we rowed over something silly and we didn’t talk for a week. I was so ill even at the hospital at one point and I was stubborn, didn’t tell him as he wasn’t interested in my head. Came to my senses and messaged him and he said he assumed we were over. 
I’ve tried and tried to talk, he says he’s too emotional and overwhelmed and wouldn’t know what to say. I have probably been a bit panicky in my messages. So I’ve backed off. But I’m finding this limbo really hard to take as I want things to be ok. 
what on earth do I do?  I’m respecting his need for space but it’s hard as o don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t want to lose him. 

Parents

  • My partner has about zero compassion generally and lack of acknowledgement I might be struggling. Occasionally lashing out in unexpected scenarios, for example when I'm down in bed with chills and fever. It's like empathy isn't just built in. We sort of managed to agree on a script, a sort of 'if this happens - do this, else that' (if you see me with fever - bring me hot drink and ask if I need an extra blanket) but it's quite alien (and quite comical) how it resembles one massive script to work through in loops. Luckily, we both with IT background and I do have my own 'special talents' with scripts.

    It sort of gets easier by knowing there's a routine there. But fundamental things don't change.

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  • My partner has about zero compassion generally and lack of acknowledgement I might be struggling. Occasionally lashing out in unexpected scenarios, for example when I'm down in bed with chills and fever. It's like empathy isn't just built in. We sort of managed to agree on a script, a sort of 'if this happens - do this, else that' (if you see me with fever - bring me hot drink and ask if I need an extra blanket) but it's quite alien (and quite comical) how it resembles one massive script to work through in loops. Luckily, we both with IT background and I do have my own 'special talents' with scripts.

    It sort of gets easier by knowing there's a routine there. But fundamental things don't change.

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