• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 213 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Help with my autistic partner

maisiemoo66

Please can you guys help as I don’t know what to do. My partner is autistic and we’ve been together a few months. It’s been so great, with the occasional upset here and there like any relationship. Mainly silly misunderstandings. But we had an uber big misunderstanding recently where I was ill and he wasn’t remotely sympathetic and I got upset, we rowed over something silly and we didn’t talk for a week. I was so ill even at the hospital at one point and I was stubborn, didn’t tell him as he wasn’t interested in my head. Came to my senses and messaged him and he said he assumed we were over. 
I’ve tried and tried to talk, he says he’s too emotional and overwhelmed and wouldn’t know what to say. I have probably been a bit panicky in my messages. So I’ve backed off. But I’m finding this limbo really hard to take as I want things to be ok. 
what on earth do I do?  I’m respecting his need for space but it’s hard as o don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t want to lose him. 

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    You've already received some great advice, which I hope will help you and your partner to get past the current issue.

    You might also find this NAS resource helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    And also this book, which I've found to be the best of several on the subject. It aims to help couples like yours (ie within which one just person is autistic) by improving your mutual understanding and communication. There are also some exercises that you can complete and discuss together, if you like, as part of that process:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    A couple of points to mention:

    - The latest diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; this is now included under autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder.

    - Between discussing one scenario and the next, the author frequently switches the gender of the autistic party. This was done to avoid reinforcing stereotypes, and can require some effort to keep checking - but I do think it's worth it.

    Another option to consider is couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in helping autistic people.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    You've already received some great advice, which I hope will help you and your partner to get past the current issue.

    You might also find this NAS resource helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    And also this book, which I've found to be the best of several on the subject. It aims to help couples like yours (ie within which one just person is autistic) by improving your mutual understanding and communication. There are also some exercises that you can complete and discuss together, if you like, as part of that process:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    A couple of points to mention:

    - The latest diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; this is now included under autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder.

    - Between discussing one scenario and the next, the author frequently switches the gender of the autistic party. This was done to avoid reinforcing stereotypes, and can require some effort to keep checking - but I do think it's worth it.

    Another option to consider is couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in helping autistic people.

Children
No Data