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Help with my autistic partner

maisiemoo66

Please can you guys help as I don’t know what to do. My partner is autistic and we’ve been together a few months. It’s been so great, with the occasional upset here and there like any relationship. Mainly silly misunderstandings. But we had an uber big misunderstanding recently where I was ill and he wasn’t remotely sympathetic and I got upset, we rowed over something silly and we didn’t talk for a week. I was so ill even at the hospital at one point and I was stubborn, didn’t tell him as he wasn’t interested in my head. Came to my senses and messaged him and he said he assumed we were over. 
I’ve tried and tried to talk, he says he’s too emotional and overwhelmed and wouldn’t know what to say. I have probably been a bit panicky in my messages. So I’ve backed off. But I’m finding this limbo really hard to take as I want things to be ok. 
what on earth do I do?  I’m respecting his need for space but it’s hard as o don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t want to lose him. 

Parents

  • Hi  and welcome. As Alice noted, disagreements (especially over seemingly minor things) are natural in relationships - what matters is how they are handled and repaired.

    Maybe you and your partner just need a little reassurance that things will be OK and to explore how to voice concerns safely with each other. He may be wondering what he could have done differently and how to fix things, just like you seem to be. 

    Autistic-allistic couples have to deal with what is called the 'double empathy problem'. I wonder whether reading about this might open up a useful conversation with him?

    Here's a page that explains that and other aspects of autism and communication https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/about-autism/autism-and-communication

    Good luck and I hope that things work out for you both!

Reply

  • Hi  and welcome. As Alice noted, disagreements (especially over seemingly minor things) are natural in relationships - what matters is how they are handled and repaired.

    Maybe you and your partner just need a little reassurance that things will be OK and to explore how to voice concerns safely with each other. He may be wondering what he could have done differently and how to fix things, just like you seem to be. 

    Autistic-allistic couples have to deal with what is called the 'double empathy problem'. I wonder whether reading about this might open up a useful conversation with him?

    Here's a page that explains that and other aspects of autism and communication https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/about-autism/autism-and-communication

    Good luck and I hope that things work out for you both!

Children
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