Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I haven't been on for a while as life was jogging along nicely, but something has come up that I am totally out of my depth, and comfort zone with, and I am hoping some one here will be able to help.
My son is almost 13 now and has Aspergers. He is a wonderful articulate loving boy, who has been through a really rough time, that we are coming out the other side of. He takes prozac to manage his anxiety.
He is going through puberty and has announced that he is gay, that is fine and not the problem, (I don't care if he loves a blue koala as long as he is happy), I mention it because it might be related to his problem.
He has for a while had wetting and soiling issues which have had me stumped, because he used to be really reliable. Tonight after a lot of reassurance he sent me this message over skype as it was easier than talking to me face to face (I get that it is embarrassing for him at his age>)
the reason why I am urinating is cus I am a idiot and I stick my hand up my but witch cause me to wee. and I want to stop cus its not helping and idk what to do I am sorry
but I cant stop and I don't know hy
why*
I understand that it is a pleasuring thing and also probably sensory aswell but I have no idea how to talk to him, to help him stop. It is having a huge impact on his life. he is needing lots of changes of clothes, his hands and nails and around the nails are always filthy because of where they are going, and his is having repeated bouts of diarrhoea.
Sorry to ask for help but I am totally utterly stumped, and I want to help him, especially with school coming up
Really good stuff Coogybear and recombinantsocks. If I could add some small points.
Masturbatory fantasies at an early age should be driven by peer group interests. With isolation from his peer group he may seek other forms of fantasy, and these could become established, and stay with him for life.
Low self esteem could be a factor, especially if bullying or ribbing at school is involved.
Prostatic stimulation as coogbearpoints out could be achieving the same effect as masturbation. If he is self-conscious or worried about masturbation he may be using this as a substitute. Probably worth allaying his fears about masturbation. There is still mythology floating about in the public domain about morality and going blind.
I could refer you to Daniel Tammet's book "Born on a Blue Day", which is primarily about his memory and linguistic feats; he now seems to be denying he was ever autistic. His chapter on adolescence and later chapters explore this. Page 119:
""From the age of eleven I knew that I was attracted to other boys, although it would be several years before I considered myself 'gay'. The other boys in my class were interested in girls and talked a lot about them, but it did not make me feel any more of an outsider - I was already very aware that my world was very different to theirs"
He then goes on to talk about a first crush at 16.
Providing a context that is someone with an AS background recognising feelings at 11. This business of being an outsider, at school and in other peer groups creates a situation where not being required to conform it is easier to break the rules.